From Prison and Gang Life to Faith in Christ

Chapter 1: The life of crime I got her mom pregnant in 9th grade. Me and my friends would go like 20 days plus not sleeping. No, we were smoking meth all day long, bro. Oh my gosh. He had multiple like stolen guns on him, stolen car. He [music] would see the cops and just start dumping. That's who I was idolizing, bro. He is got 216 years. cuz he just caught two murder cases in prison shooting at the Chapter 2: Escalation and prison time police, doing all these crazy things allegedly. My man, the informant said I was going to hire him to kill this girl. which was definitely true. I got the cars. I mean, I had like seven cars, a big house, all the status, and all the jewelry. Me and my wife, the only thing that we had in common is drinking and sex. My daughter's 16 at the time and when I was in prison, she was clipping weed. When the Lord gifted me her, I asked him why. H and it never made more sense than in that situation. So, as they were pistol whipping me, what what' you do at this time? [music] I got more money. You want Chapter 3: A near-death experience that? Just let my daughter go. They end up tying me up, putting me in the back of this truck, and I they let me call my daughter. I'm like, hey, you guys need to go. I'm [music] like, just go. I go in the truck willingly because I didn't want something to happen to me and my daughter not have a dad and they start taking me down this road and we kept driving and I'm like there's no way, bro. I don't have no shoes on. I got blood everywhere. My face is out to like here, bro. There's no way they're going to kill me. There's no way. And they keep driving. I can smell the dust from us being on a dirt road. And the Holy Spirit spoke to me for the first time. He said, "Get out of here or you're going to die." And the Holy Spirit said, "Run." And all a sudden, I hear the truck stop. Boom. And I'm like, "Oh." Like, they figured out that I wasn't in there. He was trying to kill you. Yes. That's the last thing I remember. I wake up at the hospital. They're like, "No, no, don't move. You've been shot in your spine." This November will be 3 years [music] completely sober, bro. Chapter 4: Finding faith and sobriety Come on, man. I was at my wit's end, bro. So, I picked up my Bible. I practiced [music] abstinence and celibacy. If I wasn't talking to multiple women, I wasn't worthy. And the minute that I didn't have a woman next to me, I felt like I was nothing. [music] The pleasure that we get from sex is the reward of obedience to God's purpose for sex. [music] We chase the pleasure of sex and circumn the obedience to the purpose of marriage and [music] sex. Then we're thieves. Thieves take stuff that they weren't authorized to take. Our life does not belong to us. You're in Miami. Like, don't it [music] still look good? Don't you still want it? And that's why Jesus said, "If you even so look at a woman with lust in your eye, it is adultery." Because guess who she belongs to? Come on, man. What makes you think that God would [music] bless you with? His daughter. His daughter, you obviously aren't ready for the Lord reveals [music] himself to me. This is not a podcast. This is a deliverance ministry. God is going to deliver just as many, if not more, here than he does inside of church buildings. [music] And you got to keep giving yourself over to it. It's proving it to you over and over and the weightiness of your anointing. The Lord says thousands [music] will be delivered. Will you keep watching? Click the subscribe button. I'll wait. N seriously, [music] subscribe right now. Chapter 5: New purpose and ministry Also, like and share this video. The more you like, share, comment, and engage with this video, [music] the more we're able to produce content just like this. Thank you again. Peace, man. I am here with my new friend, Buddy Lewis. Look, is that what I should be calling you, buddy? Okay, very good, man. Look, I saw you on social media and I'm just like, ain't no way this tatted man is talking like this. Like, what is behind the story? I started looking at some of your other videos and I'm like, "Oh, he's serious about God." Yes. I got to know how he became this man of God. And once just even talking to you, even in the last few minutes, the Holy Spirit in me recognizes the Holy Spirit in you. And I'm so grateful for it, man. Welcome to We Need to Talk. Yes. Thank you so much for having me, bro. It It's beautiful because, you know, I I feel the season always on my life. And when I was healing, he said, "It's a season of healing. Embrace." And oh my goodness, it hurt. It was a lot of suffering, but I knew it's what I had to do. And then a season of building. It was one of the hardest things I had to do, which we'll get into my testimony. And then this season is a season of of reaching out and and and guiding others. He showed me just through so much confirmation. And I prayed, you know, I've been doing a lot of speaking on platforms and he's refined me to have my heart in the right place. Come on. You know, in Galatians 5, it says, "The only thing that matters is our faith expressing itself through love. And for so long, I always did things for me and what other people would think of me and looking for approval. And I finally was broken free from that, from Christ. And now I understand it's it's love. And he's aligned my heart perfectly for today. Come on, man. And I I prayed. I was like, "Lord, I'm ready for another platform." And you you slid in my DM two days later. That's how I slid, dog. And I'm grateful I did, man. I'm grateful I did. And I'm grateful for the season, for your life, my brother. Thank you for accepting. I Chapter 6: Childhood and family secrets just I don't want to waste any time because yeah, you got a lot. You've been through a lot. God's doing a lot in your life and we really want to know what God did. So, if you could just take me as far back as you need to you know, your childhood or whatever, wherever the the chaos began and how did it lead you to this place? Yeah. You know, I have a crazy testimony. A lot of people that that know me very personally will say, "Man, you've l lived 10 lifestyles or lifetimes, I should say, and lifestyles, honestly." You know what I'm saying? but I think really where it started very young. I was 12 years old and I was going through a really rough time. My mom was in very, very abusive relationships. she was in a marriage with a man who was emotionally abusive and then physically abusive to me and I just didn't really know my worth and I didn't know where my dad was and I just thought that my dad had went to the the store one day to go grab some milk or whatever it was and never came home. My mom's not confrontational, hence the toxic relationship that she continued to entertain in her life and was too just wasn't able to leave it for whatever reason. Wow. But one day I I was taking the trash out when I was 12 years old and I knocked the the trash over. It was Christmas time. It was like a big old trash can. And I was like, "Put it back." And I was putting everything back in there. And I start looking at these pieces of mail and Christmas cards and it said, "Merry Christmas, buddy. Grandma Alisia." I'm like, "Grandma Alicia? I don't know what Grandma Alicia." Like I'm white. Like that's who I was raised by. I always knew that I had some type of of Latin in me. I thought I was, you know, from Mexico. My dad was, but I never had seen a Lopez last name. And I start looking at this, you know, it says, "Merry Christmas. We love you." And then I just had this weird feeling Chapter 7: Early struggles and encounters in my stomach. So I went inside and I was like, "Mom, who's Grandma Lisia?" And the just the color was just went out of her face, you know, non-confrontational mom. She's like, "Sit down." So I'm like, "Okay, what's up?" And I'm just like like totally just not even understanding what was going on, you know? And she's like, "Well, your grandma Alisia, it's your dad's mom. she's been reaching out to your family's been trying to get a hold of you for quite some time. And at that point, I felt hurt. I was like, "Why you been holding this back for me, you know, because number one, I didn't really know who I was, you know, like my identity was was already lost at that time." And she was like, "Well, your dad, he's actually just not out running the streets. He he's actually in prison." And I'm like, "Oh." And I'm like, "Okay, that makes sense." And it's like things are starting to, you know, make sense in my mind and and go together. And then I'm she's like, "But there's something else I need to tell you." And she's like, "Your dad, he he's in prison for something really bad." And I was like, she's like, "But I think you're old enough now, 12 years old, that you can understand this." And I said, "Okay." She's like, "You know, your cousin Janine." And she she was older than me. She's my favorite cousin. She would always babysit me like my best friend, you know, cuz I didn't have no siblings. I was a only child. Okay. And she's like, "Your dad molested her." And I was like, "Oh." So at that point, I felt hurt by my dad and I didn't even know who he was on multiple levels. First, I didn't feel worthy that he he didn't stay at the house, like he just did my mom dirty. second, that he now is a child molester. And and then I just didn't understand what was going on. M and at that same exact time I was being abused emotionally, mentally, physically by her husband. And the greatest thing that he would do that really hurt me that I didn't understand is he would say, "You're just like your father." And I was like, I didn't know who my dad was, but I was upset with him. So I was like, "Dang, this must be a bad guy, and I must be bad, too." And then when she told me that he was a child molester, things just started like breaking on top of me. like where you know like you just just just confused bro. So at that point I think I started to become really resentful and just I had this this heart posture of just reven like revenge almost bro like this spirit of death was over me like destruction and I didn't know what it was. My I was never raised in the church. My mom never went to church. I went to youth group sometimes. I had this weird like hunger for God, like something greater because I was so lost. I encountered God at the hockey court on summer break one time. They're like, "Hey, you know Jesus? You want to accept him in your heart?" And I was like I remember looking at the brochure and it was just like glowing. And I was like whoa Jesus like yes I do. Like and I and I you know I said the sinner's prayer and I remember at that point and I I was trying to go to like get out of the house. Chapter 8: Toxic relationships Yes. And I was I didn't ever want to be at home because it was very toxic. I was always trying to stay at families or go somewhere else. And everyone knew my story. And you know I did some inner work obviously to be you know at the point where I am now. But I was able to see God through the people that embraced me in my neighborhood. Wow. But the Holy Spirit at that point I feel that he's showing me right now that he was shining through me at that very moment. And the people loved me. Yes. But they seen the Holy Spirit in me. And that's where God met me in in other people's homes and and he was sharing that's going to be a part of your testimony that I was always there. So it doesn't matter what's going on in our life and how unfair things are, he's always there. He's always good. So that's really where it started. So then they start getting my mom and her husband. they start going through really bad stuff. to the point where they would start fighting and she would she would run out the house and I would hear him like I remember the worst traumatic probably sound that I could hear is someone like banging their feet and I could hear him upstairs and I remember just like my heart would just boom boom boom boom and then he would come running down the stairs and I just thought I was dead, bro. I was like I was just deathly afraid of him, bro. cuz he was just this big man. I was like this young kid just powerless, you know? He had me just scared, bro. And I remember she would just leave me at the house and I thought multiple times like why would my mom do this? You know what I'm saying? And I say that because I end up dealing with like really bad abandonment issues. Mhm. And I think that's really where like like it just started to fester more and more and more and the devil was just, you know, just lying to me about my life wasn't worth nothing, you know, constantly thinking about like suicide and things. I never like did it, but it was just constantly going through my mind like I'm not worth nothing. Wow. Chapter 9: First arrest and loss Always until recently till I was about 33 years old. This the voice was always you're not worthy, you're stupid, what's wrong with you? all the things that he used to say or the devil used to say through him cuz I forgiven him. I forgiven my mom. We're all sinners and we're in a fallen world. But they end up getting a divorce. Mhm. But right at that time, I'm at school. I have you know, a little bit of influence at school. I've always had an anointing, but I wasn't always using that for good. I was using that to bully kids. And I was a popular and I had a lot of ego and pride and we were in the bathroom stalls one one day and this kid was in the he come into the bathroom. I'm like get out of here before I slice you. And I was just being like just a bad kid. It was just like you know just being ego prideful. We're all in the bathroom huddled up trying to be the cool kids. Well he went up and told the cops. Mind you I'm 12 years old. So they he go gets the cop. The cop comes in, finds the knife, and takes me to jail. Oh, what? So my mom's being getting a divorce, going through this toxic relationship, all this stuff is going on, and then I go to jail. I end up spending like 30 days in jail, and they put an ankle monitor on me. And I was, you know, I was allar in sports, football, baseball, basketball, and hockey. I loved sports. Like that was my thing. I wanted to be a professional sports player. And I went back I my mom got me out of jail. They had the ankle monitor on. Chapter 10: Embracing gang life I went back for the first day of school and they're like, "Oh, no, no, no. Come to the front office." And I was like, "Okay." And they're like, "You're done. You can't you can't go to school here no more. You threatened a friend of the principal's his her son. You can't stay here. You got to go." So then then my world came crashing down cuz it's all my friends, all the girls, all the sports. And at that point is when my life took a turn, bro. No longer did I desire to be you know u a defensive end or a hockey player. I was mad at the world. I was mad at my dad, mad at my stepdad, mad at my mom, just mad at the world cuz everybody else it was their problem that I was, you know, experiencing these things. cuz I never took ownership cuz I didn't have a father, you know. And at that point, my mom got split up and they got into a divorce officially. even though back and forth all that that toxic stuff and yeah, that was the the hardest point of my life is when I was 12 years old, I had an ankle monitor on and then I had to go to a different school in elementary school, sixth grade, and I had an ankle monitor. It was the most embarrassing thing. But then that's when I took on the identity of a gang member. I was like, "Okay, yep. That's just what I'm gonna be." Like, I'm gonna find my identity in this. Like, I'll give I'll find worth and value in the big homies cuz they're going to give me love. So, I turned to the streets. And when I turn to the streets, these big homies who love you look at you as a crash dummy. Like, "Oh yeah, little homie. Yeah, come over here. Let me show you that love. Go over here. Run this for me. Go do that for me. Go shoot this person. Go do that. Go to that. Cuz you know when you're young, that's like the killing years. That's the robbing. That's the earn your stripe years. Yes. And they'll use you until you go to prison and they can't use you no more cuz they're afraid to do anything. You know, growing up, you start to see truth. You start to understand like, whoa, these guys are like they don't got a job. They don't have a good family. They they're they cheat on their wife. They're, you know, this and this and that. You start to realize like, I'm following the wrong person. trying to use me as a, you know, so now that makes sense. That makes sense. Chapter 11: The hustle mentality I used to think cuz I grew up in a gang in festive neighborhood. I used to think that it's just because the young people are hype enough or willing. But you're saying, but it's also because they're used that's a different side. They're used by people who know a little bit better. Yeah. Yeah. Manipulated. That's sad. Yep. Y keep going. I'm sorry. Yeah. No, you're good. You're good. and you know, I was just in and out of school. Finally, I was 15 years old and we had lived down the street from the school. My mom kept moving schools, moving over here, moving there, in and out of toxic relationships. the the bus used to drop me off at the bar after school. Why? Because my mom worked there so much cuz she was trying to support me. and she also had a daughter, which is my half sister from the guy originally that she was married to. We're 10 years apart. Okay. But she was working at the bar and then she started dating the owner of the bar. And you know, you know, she she was just trying to make it, you know, anyway that she could. So I would essentially be home till 4:00 in the morning. So I was like, I rather go be with my mom. 15 years old, I was in the bars hustling the pool sharks. I was hustling the drunk guys for money. And I was really good at pool. And I think that's where my hustler mentality started to kick in. I started watching these dudes selling drugs and having nice things like nice Harleyies and nice trucks. Then the idol the the idolatry started to work up in in my heart and the devil was using these guys that you know these Harley riders, Sons of Silence, Hell's Angels and all these guys I started like look up to. So, I end up, ninth grade, I end up getting all the kids from the school that were cheerleaders, football players, wrestlers, like the popular kids to come drink at my house on on on the lunch break. Oh, you got that much influence, bro. every every point of my life, bro. I've had supernatural like favor and the devil's seen that, bro. Like I I don't want to get too far ahead of my testimony, but there was times where like we'd be out in my in my 20s and we'd be drinking and having like doing a Harley run and people would be sober for three or four years and we'd be out having fun riding bikes, drinking, taking shots and all these things, worldly stuff, right? And there'd be people like, "Oh, I'm just going to party with you guys and start taking shots." And I'm like, "That was weird." And my boy's like, "Bro, do you realize she'd been sober for like 4 years?" But when they get around you, you're able to get them to do things they weren't willing to. It wasn't even me telling him or asking him. It was just automatic. Bro, God ordained you. The enemy perverts you. Chapter 12: Consequences of actions Yeah. So I It was ninth grade. I would probably going to school once a week. I would go to school just to sell my weed. I would back up my weed. people would hit me up, you know, cuz I I got the the hustler mentality from the pool shark in. And I would go pick up the weed from the weed man. I was the youngest person selling weed in my entire neighborhood, 15 years old, jumping my mom's back fence. My mom was at the bar, so I had no supervision. And and then so if I wasn't selling weed at the school, I wasn't going. But when I was going, I was trying to influence these children. I could just imagine if like that was my daughter. Oh my gosh, bro. Cuz now I have a daughter who's 18 years old. And this is about to pull up to the part of the story where she's actually she I got her mom pregnant in ninth grade. Yes, bro. [laughter] It gets really crazy. You know, my the Lord really man, it's just it's it's crazy. But so the story, I have all these kids at my house. We're drinking Joseé Quervo and I got these girls passed out like drunk on the floor, like can't even walk. And their dads are banging on the door cuz they I don't know how they figured out they was there banging on the door trying to get their like their kids out of the house, but we didn't answer the door cuz we were late coming back from lunch. And like a little while later, I'm like, you know what? Let's let's go back to school. We're all drunk. Finally get these girls off the floor there. I mean, we're just sloppy drunk and I have this great idea. Let's go back to school. Let's go. Come on. We're two blocks away from the school. So, we walk back over to the school super late. I think we're doing finals. And as we get in the parking lot, multiple cops pull up and are like, "Oh, like everyone sit down on the curb like what are you doing? What are you thinking?" And I was just like, "Whatever, whatever." I was just so gone in my mind, just so hurt, bro. And I didn't understand it. I was just so revengeful. And they essentially didn't let any of us go and they took everyone to jail. And I wouldn't blow. And the breathalyzer cuz I knew cuz I was raised by the big homies who was like, "Nah, don't talk to the police. Don't blow." But these kids were naive. And I'm like, I I'm like, "I'm not blowing there." He's like, "You know what? I don't want you ever to come back to school again." The principal was pissed cuz there's been so many issues. And I'm like, "Oh, bet. Cool. That's all. You don't have to tell me no more. Like, I'm already trying to like not come to school for truency." And I that's the that's the point right there where I got kicked out of school. I was going partying. Then I met my daughter's mom. And we were I was 15 years old, bro. And we end up I end up getting super blacked out drunk. And only thing I remember is just like being on the bed and I was blacked out drunk. I think I had like one sock on, but I heard this loud banging on the door and I'm like waking up out of this blacked out drunk and and she was on top of me and I was like, "What the heck?" And the the girl whose house we were partying at, her dad came home early from a business trip and kicked us all the kids out of the house. And I'm like, "Oh my goodness." My my friends left me at the party. We were in a stolen car. So like I didn't go back. You were waited out Chapter 13: Parenthood and new challenges drunk. She was on top of you. Was this Were you in consent or not? you know, I I wouldn't say that I was coherent. Well, I'll put it like this. If it was the other way around, it's possible it could be problematic. Yeah. Yeah. When I was younger, I was that was in question. But you know, and now I just accept it for the fact because man, my my daughter like literally saved my life. Wow. You know, she gave me a lot of purpose when I didn't know the Lord and I didn't see it in myself, you know, when I was in prison. but that's too far along in the start. Gotcha. U, but so we end up I end up leaving the house. My friends pull up in this stolen car doing like 80 down the street. They're like, "Oh, my bad." I'm like, "Why'd you leave me?" you know, and then she's like, "Can I go with you?" And my friends were laughing at me because, you know, being young like that, and she was older older older than me, it was just not my style to do that. Like, I wasn't I was a hustler like, you know, and I wasn't just I never was out there like that with females. But the Lord the Lord did that, bro. I truly believe it, you know. So, fast forward a little bit, she she has my daughter and you know, well well she when she hit me up, she said, "Hey, can we talk?" before she had her. And I was like, "Talk about what?" And she's like, "We need to talk really quick. Can you just come over here?" And I'm like in the streets like in a stolen car serving sacks like thinking I'm like about to be Scarface. Like really? Like I used to fall asleep with Scarface on my TV. Like I was idolizing him heavy, bro. Wow. like in the in this like in a bad spirit, bro. Wow. And she was like, "Come over here. Please talk to me. I need to talk to you right now." I'm like, "Okay." She's like, "I'm pregnant." And I'm like, "Okay." When she told me she was pregnant, bro, there was no even thought in my mind it was mine. That's how quick the encounter was, bro. Like, I was just like, "Okay, and what do you want me to do?" She's like, "No, it's yours." I'm like, "There's no way." like I know there's some people you have been with like you're older than me like I'm young in the streets like you know she always had a crush on me we lived in like the same neighborhood and stuff hi buddy and I was just like ah like my mom like oh she has a crush on you so it was like a joke but then one night you know we just had a little bit too much to drink we're drinking like E&J just you know being kids bro with no supervision she didn't have a father in the house I didn't have mine so it was a generational curse truly Hand it down, bro. Well, it broke with you. Chapter 14: Attempting stability Yes. In the mighty name of Jesus, sir. I claim that, bro. Yeah. So, then 16 years old. I end up like coming to grips that my daughter was born. my mom called me and she I remember her just screaming on the phone and I'm like, "Who died?" Like, "What's wrong, mom?" And I'm out drinking with my friends, you know, at the park. and she's like, "I hope you're happy." And I'm like, "What? I hope you're happy, buddy. You really ruined this for me." Cuz she was 35 years old. Who? My mom. Oh, wow. And she had just broken from her relationships. Like she was like trying to be, you know, trying to just move on really and like create a life for her. And she's like, "She's yours. I got the DNA test." And I'm like, "Oh man." And I remember being in the back of this car which was stolen. We had never had a real legit car. We were too young to even drive, bro. And I was just like, why me, Lord? Like, why why are you doing this to me? Like, why why a baby? Like, I'm not I'm not even take I can't even take care of myself. And I felt like a victim. And I was like, "Okay, I got to get it together. I got to get it together." So, I got my first job. I started doing construction and I started taking care of my daughter. I wasn't drinking as much or selling drugs. I put the drugs down. Okay. And I remember you know having to bundle her up and get on the the city bus and it's in Colorado and it was blizzarding and I would get her on the bus and bundle her up and go back and forth to to work. I had a girlfriend her mom was helping us out. Like that's the most stable my life was ever been. Then we start having problems. the generational curse of of the the the drinking, the fighting, the emotional abuse, and it just started to trickle down because my ex also experienced that in her household. So coming to Christ, I can see all these things, but before I was a victim, like why me? How come this happens to me? But now coming to Christ and been freedom, the Holy Spirit lifted the veil and I see that how she dealt with it. I dealt with it. So then we only was together for maybe 9 months or 6 months or something like that. And she she did well. She treated my daughter as her own. My daughter was under two years old, but we split. Oh, okay. Chapter 15: Descending into addiction But then she got pregnant. Yep. So when we split, I was out running the streets again. But I got really, really, really deep. I got someone from my family gave me methamphetamine when I was real young, when I was 16 years old. Right around that time I was getting kicked out of school real rebellious. smoke them smoke me up. Methamphetamine. So I started to to get high. And I'm like wait a minute. I can hustle all day and night and not sleep. I can get ahead of everybody. Wait, meth keeps you up? Yeah. You don't sleep? We would have contests me and my friends. I was just speaking about this with somebody else about how many days that we can stay up, bro. Me and my friends would go like 20 days plus not sleeping. No, you can't survive like that though. My friend fell out, bro. Like he he has like he had like brain damage. Like I think the longest time I stood up was like 13 days. But I had this friend that was real real rap. When you say no sleep, what do you mean taking a few hours of naps? No. Nothing. Like smoking meth, shooting meth. I never shot shot shot meth, but the we were smoking meth all day long, bro. Oh my gosh, bro. Yeah, as kids, bro, that's deadly, bro. Yeah, it got about 16 years old, bro. I just remember all of us, bro. And that's at the point when I started seeing demons. I never believed in anything supernatural. And there's this one time that we were driving down the street. I had a little like a little click that was selling drugs for me. We were real tight. I've always had that, you know, leadership for the wrong side on that point. remember this girl was driving down the street and we were going to go take some meth to somebody. We were like, it was like 2:30 in the morning or whatever cuz that's when tweakers run the streets. And I I seen this black figure walking, bro. And I'm like, whoa. And I look and I remember it locked eyes with me and I'm like, "Did you guys see that?" They're like They're like, "No, what was it?" I'm like, "What the heck?" And and I was being I was being tormented, bro. And it's the sleep sleep deprivation is real. And it opened you up to all other types of stuff. Absolutely. And I was selling dope for like the older homies and the older homies were smoking dope, too. So there was someone that I was working for that thought everyone was after him. was would have me in the the car and we were shooting at the police nightly, bro. What do you mean like that? Like we'd be in the car go dropping the sack. He had multiple like stolen guns on him, stolen car. He would see a the the cops and just start dumping on him, bro. What? Yes, bro. In in the mo he's like, "Oh, these guys are after us." And then like he had this crazy distorted It was just the devil, bro. Like working in the Lord saved. It was crazy. Supernatural, bro. But he got 216 years in Arapjo Chapter 16: Idolizing a criminal lifestyle County, Colorado. And if you look up his story, you can see Emanuel Diaz. Is he still there? Oh yeah, he's in there. And he got two murder cases while he was in prison just this last like 10 years. So that's who I was idolizing, bro. I wanted to be just like him. I used to get hurt when he used to take the other little homies in the car and he would leave me behind. I'm like, "Oh, why doesn't he love me?" Cuz like I had that that fatherly like void, bro. Like I wanted to fill it. There was this one time I I stole this car just to make him happy, bro. And the the radio, right? Right. The the CD player, that's what we had. We had a big book of CDs. Had all my stolen stuff in there. I was like, "I'll come pick you up, bro." He just got into a high speed police chase. Crashed his car. car. He's like, "Come and pick me up, little homie." I went and picked him up and the Lord protected me, bro. I was in the car and I picked him up and he's telling me the story and I'm trying to like, you know, impress him. He's like, "Where's the CDs? Put the CD in." Boom. The CD player starts malfunctioning going and shuts down. And I'm like, he's like, "What the heck?" He's like, "Homie, you trying to set me up?" He's like, "What's wrong with you, bro? You think I'm stupid?" And I'm like, "No, no, like it's not me. I swear." He's like, "No, let me out." He left the car and bounced. And I remember like, "Dang, like I almost had like he was going to be my homie. Like, like I I messed it up." And bro, the Lord showed me supernaturally, bro. Cuz then after he left, the CD player turned back on. Straight up. I wanted to keep you away from him. All those little missions he was taking. Absolutely, bro. I remember the first time I I was with him, bro. He he took me at the stoplight. He's like, "You see this dude? You see this dude?" He's like, "Oh, show him." He pulled the gun out and just started hitting. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. And then took off and all the police were running after us. And then he just started shooting at him. But at a certain point, and he knew this too. If you shoot at the cops like that, they'll stop chasing you. And I remember just being like, he's like, "Put your seat back." I remember just being in the seat like praying to God like, "Lord, like, you know, just just let me live through this. And this guy is crazy." But then I still wanted more of it, bro. I wanted like the the the approval of a man that I could look up to that could approve of me of in in a father figure sense. I was looking for love. I was looking for something that I that I was never given looking looking for since I was a young child. So then I end up catching a case. I get caught up with informant. I was selling him my ounce of methamphetamine and he catches me up. Chapter 17: Avoiding a life sentence Bro, as soon as I go to jail, the the other guy who I was running the streets with, shooting, not the cops, he gets indicted and they didn't stop chasing him this night. Then people could look it up. Emanuel Diaz got 216 years. He just caught two murder cases in prison. but I would have been there. The Holy Spirit showed me. I was looking at the the article and I remember seeing the guy that I hated because he would pick him over me to hang out with him. I used to be like, "Oh, I hate this dude." They picked the other guy over here. Bro, I was so mad. God was literally master engineering your life. Yes, bro. Bro, you should not be here. No. No. Shooting out the police, doing all these crazy things allegedly. My man, [laughter] he did. I don't know. I was My man. [laughter] Wow. Yeah. That's crazy. Yeah. So, I have just real quick similar. I wanted to be a gang member so bad cuz I got jumped by the opposing gangs. And when they they was about to put me on, they said I was friends with like some real gang makers. I was like, "We're going to walk you on the hood because we're already tight. Show me the drugs. They show me the money." But they was like, "More importantly, the blank blanks that did this to you. We going to help you get them back." I was like, "Say less." But I was like, "I just got in this school program and I'm still kind of small. Wait till I get into the ninth grade. Then I'd be tall enough to tell my dad like, "I'm not listening to you. I'm like, I'm out of this little stupid program. I could do it." In between that time, the Lord interrupted it. I would have And the dudes that put me on dead. The other one was we was real close to coming up paralyzed. Wow. God literally sabotages our stupid plans. Yes, bro. But go ahead, bro. Yeah, it's powerful. You know, I never knew what the word son actually meant. Like when you say son or I heard son, I didn't know the weight that it held. Come on, bro. Like I didn't know what it was to be a son. My stepfather, my dad was gone. Even my own son, I heard him cry for the first time in the county jail awaiting a 16-year prison sentence. Bro, which this is the next part of the testimony. Chapter 18: Arrest and incarceration And I never knew the weight of a son. And bro, like not that long ago, maybe 6 months ago, I didn't even realize I I didn't know what son was. And and the Lord supernaturally protected me from from something in in the body of Christ. And I show he showed me that all these things that that happened to you in your past through your obedience, everything's good. Everything's yours already. Come on. And bro, I had this peace and I'm like, he showed me what his son was, bro. I I understood and I felt like a son and he's the only father to all of us. Come on. All our dads and our moms of the world, it's broken. They're broken, too. We have generational curses. We have so many things that they struggle with. Like in my mentorship program now, I disciple people. Like that's the first thing we work on. And I help them connect with their people's that that hurt them's trauma. Wow. like we let's connect with that first cuz we're in a broken world, you know. So that's that's that's key, bro, for for us to understand is that, you know, our father is always good and he he's he's a good father, bro. He's amazing. Yeah. So So to the to the next part of the story, I go to jail, await my sentencing. I have like a half a million dollar bond because the informant said I was going to hire him to kill this girl. which was definitely true at the time. I was just like thinking I was Scarface, bro. You know what I'm saying? And the Lord saved me essentially. He he he was in a 7-Eleven. This guy that told on me was in got caught stealing something like some food shoplifting. He's like, "Oh, I know someone who sells dope." And he also was trying to hire me to kill this girl. So like, "Okay, well, set him up." Set me up. Boom. Cops got me. And they're like, "Who are you? Who are you? Like, what are you doing?" I had like all kinds of cash and dope and I was so young. Like, who where are you from? I'm like, I wasn't speaking to the police at all. Then they started to put two and two together that I was hanging out with certain people. They're trying to get me to tell and put me on a fed case. And I said, "Nope, I'm not telling. I'm not I'm not I'm I held it fully, bro, because I kept the street code because I was very full of ego and pride and I wanted my stripes. I'm like, I'm gonna go to prison. I'm gonna go serve my time. I'm going to go put the work in. Then I'm going to be really known and recognized and loved. You know, that's how I felt like I was ready to go prove myself to some some grown men that are lost in the world. Bro, you did it for the hood. Yeah. Chapter 19: Life in county jail Oh my gosh, bro. So, I was facing my first court date 48 years in Arapjo County in Colorado. Carol Chambers had put out a statement in the in the newspaper that she was going to give out 1 million years by the end of her her term in office. So, when I seen that, I'm like, "Oh, everyone was like, "Bro, you see this?" Cuz everyone's in there telling each other about their case. There ain't nothing to do in there besides tell each other what you're in there for. ask people what they think about it and play pay play play cards and work out. So, we're all in there stressing. I end up developing like severe acne, you know, like just walking the pod, eating this horrible food, and just waiting my court date month after month after month. Did 19 months in in jail. I was fighting 8 to 48 years. and I pled open to the judge, which no one ever really does ever because the judge, so essentially the judge can give you anything. If the judge is having a bad day, you know, like a meth lab blows up down the street and kills their dog, they could be like, "Okay, 20 years, 40 years, 48 years is the max." But it was my first two felonies as as you know, as a adult, I guess you would call me at that time. but I got 16 years. so they gave me 16 years. I pled open to the judge and during my time in the county jail before I went to prison, my son was born. My mom went seen him. You know, she's like, "Oh, he's yours. He looks exactly like you." So, the enemy was trying to replicate what happened with your father being imprisoned while his son was raised by whoever, but you were in this situation where you were behind bars when your son came to be. Yep. I hate Satan. He really tried you. He tried you, man. Yep. And my dad was in prison when I was in county jail, too. So, he was still there. my dad got 16 calendar years. which you know he was still there at the time I was fighting my case and I think that's about the time where he started to write me so at that time he was just like hey son you know I'm sorry for what I did I take responsibility and you know me being affiliated I'm like there's two thing people you don't mess with that's snitches and child molesters so it goes against my values of of who I was at that time and I'm like ah this screw this dude like I ain't messing with him, you know. but then the letters started to come in and keep flowing and Chapter 20: Tragedy in prison keep flowing and I was like, you know what, maybe maybe I'll give this dude a chance at some point. But, you know, I was writing him pen pal. I didn't have nobody else. All my family started falling off. Stopped answering the phone. I didn't have no money. I was cutting hair for stamps. So, I learned how to cut hair. you know, gang affiliated. We were just like doing the worst stuff in there, you know, selling drugs and all this stuff. I remember I was sitting at the poker table and the guard came up behind me and said, "Lewis, phone call." And I'm like, "What was it?" I looked at my boy and he was like, "Go ahead, bro. You got this." And I'm like, "What? A phone call?" Cuz you don't get phone calls in prison. Wow. Ever. And mind you, I have a phone list of 12 people that you have to submit. and you don't get to call out from prison. You put your inmate number, your password, number one, and that goes to the first person that's approved on your phone list. Well, there was a point in in there that if you call someone three times in a row, they don't put money on your phone. It blocks you from calling them until they put money on their side of the phone. What? Well, my family wasn't messing with me. I was just, you know, I was out there running, gunning, and life goes on, bro. And there was plenty of holidays. No. And I wasn't speaking to my daughter. No one was visiting me because I was in prison about 300 miles away from the city. So I knew when this this guard was like Lewis phone call. I knew somebody died, bro. [laughter] Yeah. And I'm like, man, someone died. It's like I was like, man, my mom, my grandma. I was like, okay, I'm going to go up in here strong. My bro's like, go in there. You got to soldier up. So I go up in there. He's like, you got a phone call. And he gives me the phone. It's my auntie. And she's balling her eyes out, bro. And I can't even understand her. And I was just like just so much anxiety. I'm like, "Just tell me who it is. Like, stop. Tell me." She's like, "It's Sarah, my daughter's mom. She passed away last night." And I said, "Whoa." And I was like, "Okay." She's like, "We don't know what happened. She she fell asleep and then it may have been drugs and alcohol, but buddy, we don't know what to do. Chanel, she's over at her grandma's house on the other side. She's like, we don't know what to do. She's 3 years old. When I left that office, bro, I remember feeling no longer that I belonged. I felt pulled apart. I feel the Holy Spirit, bro. I was looking at the men at the tables. Just the deception there. Everyone living for a false sense of reality of the world of trying to be a gangbanger or just lost in their just in sin, bro. And I remember I no longer desired to be there. Chapter 21: A turning point I went from trying to be the coolest, you know, beat everybody up, sell the drugs, have the status, get tattooed in there to I didn't want to be there no more. And is it because you wanted to be with your daughter? Why? Why did you not want to be there anymore? Honestly, bro, I didn't even If I told you I wanted to be with my daughter, I'd be lying to you because I didn't I didn't know I didn't know how to. I was so young. I just didn't feel like I belonged supernaturally. I had put into the halfway house, which you can put into the halfway house at a certain percentage of your time and I was eligible. So, I'm like, "Okay, you know what? I'm going just I'm going just pray about it." I didn't have a relationship with God. I was just praying, you know, but I always had prayer some type of prayer life. Yes. There was always times I felt condemned like, "Oh, I'm not worthy enough to pray, so I'm just going to hold today out and not pray. I'll pray tomorrow if I do better." Lie of the enemy. Yeah. Yeah. And I I remember I put in for the halfway house. And there was a riot. It was my homies over the poker table and the these other gang affiliated people verse this other side and the entire pod went up and everyone was fighting, knocking tables over and it was bad, bro. Chaos. Yeah. And I was settled up on my big homie and he was like, "Okay, youngster. As soon as they pop these doors, we're going to go get these dudes." Mind you, I just put in for the halfway house and my daughter's out there without her mom. So, I was like, "Okay, I know what I signed up for. I can't say no. I'm not going to act like I'm scared. I'm going to go out. I'm going to go in there. When these doors pop, we're going to go smash these dudes out and stab them. It'd be over." And I get shipped out, go to CSP, which is 24-hour lock down, go do my time, get out, and get back to the regular population and finish out my 16-ear sentence. Chapter 22: Divine intervention I like I signed up for it. I can't can't do nothing, you know? And I'm just like, Lord, if this is what you want for me, let's go. But if it's not, can you some way provide a way out? Wow, bro. Tell me. Tell me why. About 10 minutes later, I hear boom boom boom on our door. And I'm like looking, it's my case manager. And she slides a paper underneath the door. She said, "You've been approved, Mr. Lewis." And I said, I look at the paper and it said I was approved for the halfway house. And I was like, "Thank you, God." But it still didn't take away from the fact. It's like, "Youngar, I know you got approved, but you know what? You signed up for like they pop these doors. We're going we're going in. We got the orders from the other homie who's got the keys on the yard, which is the shot caller." Mhm. Soon as they open the doors, we're going over there and we're smashing them out. There were two sellies. Like, we got assigned the two dudes. cuz we knew who we were going to stab. So then I prayed again. Lord God, if this is you, get me out of this. Bro, tell me why they started supernaturally moving everyone out of the pod that was involved with everything. This this the two guys that we were going to go stab. Then they moved my big homie out of the pod. So, I'm sitting in there in the cell watching everyone get moved out and I'm like, "Okay, feeling a little bit of less pressure." Then you see some more people pack up and you less pressure. And then I'm like, "Okay, well, even if I'm here alone, that still means I have to pick one of these guys and take them out." Yep. Tell me why the the bus the the cops had knocked on my door. And I'm like, I'm getting taken. I'm going to go to the hole, too. I'm gone. They take me to the processing. I take all my stuff off for, you know, for them to take me to a different facility. They said, "Okay, great. Looks like you're going to community corrections, halfway house." I'm like, "What?" They're like, "Yeah, you're gone. Halfway house." And I'm like, "Bro, tell me why that does not happen." When you get approved to the halfway house in prison, it takes like at least two weeks, sometimes 90, sometimes 6 months, bro. And he took me out immediately, bro. Before we even got off a lock down from the fight. How quickly after the prayer did things shift, bro? 10 minutes. I'm telling you, bro. We got locked down from the fight and we're like trying to like like wrap our hands up, put the gloves on, ready to go. So, we thought we were going to get let back out again. He's like, "Well, we're going to go get these dudes. Get ready." And I I swear I still remember the knock on that metal like door. It's like a hollow. You just don't reme you don't forget noises. When you're in prison for 7 and 1/2 years, bro, you know what the most aggravating noise is? Hearing someone walk down the hall with a thing of keys and then slamming doors. Boom. Cuz you hear them. They count all day long. And you're laying in your bunk sleeping. And all you hear is them slamming the doors and counting you all night long. You hear the doors. You hear the echoes. You hear the keys jingling. Chapter 23: Navigating the halfway house But I remember that door, bro. Knock knock knock. Mr. Lewis like a girl. You don't hear like a girl's voice. We have female guards, but they're, you know, more authorative. Like it was that soft female's voice. Remember she slid the paper. [ __ ] And then the big homie said, "Well, I know that came through, bro, but you know what you signed up for?" And I knew he was jealous, bro. I knew he was I could feel it in my heart. He didn't want me to get out, bro. So, was the Lord not only doing those things, but he was supernaturally showing everyone's true selves to me, bro. He was showing me that this is not where you need to be. This is not where you need to be. And it was powerful, bro. Oh my gosh. The constant interruptions of the Lord in your life. Yes. Keep going. I'm sorry. like this. Your life is just like, "Oh, okay. Go. Keep going. Keep going." Yeah. Yeah. So then, you know, I I go at this waiting facility and then I go to the halfway house and I had no work experience, bro. I worked a construction job when I had my daughter and like that was it. Like all I knew was to like sell drugs and gang bang. Like I was still institutionalized in my head, you know? I I was still trying to figure out who I was. I didn't know who I was. M I think that was the hardest thing for me is like I didn't know anything about me because my dad was gone, my mom was gone, these gang bangers didn't like I felt that they didn't care about me like they were trying to crash me out but I didn't have anything. I didn't know anything else. When did you figure out that the gang members were using you in prison when he said I he seen that community corrections halfway house acceptance letter and I knew that he had put in multiple times for the halfway house and he got denied cuz of his record. He like ran from the halfway house and when you escaped it's like a no and I had a clean record. It was my first time in prison. And he was obviously older. Mhm. And I remember like him looking at it and he told me he's like, "Yeah, I am a little upset that you got accepted and I didn't." And I'm He told you straight up? Oh yeah. Yep. At least he was honest. Yeah. Yeah. Cuz that's all we have to do there and is talk, you know, in the in the cell. We were locked down for days and day. Like they were serving us the food for like seven days. We wouldn't shower at all because it was people were like about to die. like you know like if you open the doors someone was going to get stabbed and someone was going to get Chapter 24: Career in sales killed. So they had to like sort everything out before they even popped the door. So which is very rare to happen for you to actually get fed in your cell. My gosh. Yeah. By the grace of God, bro. Man, the fact that you had people in there with you that really that's when you knew that they they didn't really want your best interest. No. Nope. But I didn't understand and I still craved love. I just and I and I couldn't identify it fully. Like this understanding of that situation comes from the Holy Spirit now. Wow. Like then I was still unsure like of everything. And I'm like when I get out, what am I going to do? Where am I going to go work? I have a Oh, I had an Mo tattoo on my neck. It was an old English huge MO tattoo on my neck. So I'm like where am I going to go? So then you go to the halfway house and they want you to fill out a form of every single location you're going to be at at the exact time and you have to call when you get there, call when you leave. Wow. And you they're very monitored because I wasn't on parole yet. I was still like a inmate of prison but in like a house of like a halfway house, you know. Yeah. And so I put on a few places and I'm like there's something down the street. It's a tanning salon and I'm like I don't know if I want to go there but I need to get out of this place and I'm not sure where else there is around here. It's like kind of like the middle of nowhere, bro. And I'm like I don't know where else I'm going to go. So the tanning salon, this like restaurant, this other place. So then I leave. I go to this tanning salon and the own the district manager there it was he was like he was like yeah well you know we'll hire you. And I was like attending Salonwagon like 10 people there like this this seems kind of like I don't know. I was like well I got to do what I got to do. So I had a few other interviews other places and they wouldn't hire me because of my my neck tattoo. Oh. So I like it was my last my last resort. I'm like okay I get out of prison I got to go like check women into the tanning salon. But the Lord had a plan bro man. I end up going to this place and it wasn't just tanning. It was selling high ticket memberships. So, it was like state-of-the-art tanning equipment, state-of-the-art tanning technology, lotion, like $100 bottles of lotion where you would sell them three separate $100 bottles, step one, step two, facial tanning lotion. Wow. I went there and he he trained me to be a monster salesman to the point where these women would come in on their lunch break to tan for Mexico in 4 days. Well, I had this cold sales process that he coached me on and they couldn't they they would come to Tan for 4 days and I would convince them to buy a three-year package with three separate bottles of lotion $300. They would go home and they would go tell their husband, "Oh yeah, I got Chapter 25: Success and corruption me a tenny. I got this and this going on." I would receive calls like, "Bro, what did you sell my wife? She spent 4K there today." And I'm like, "Well, just come down here. You know, we'll figure it out, bro. Tell me why they come there, cuz they're going to Mexico, too. Tell me why I convince the man to then get another package, too." [laughter] So I always say any any person that is excellent at sales, God called them some way in evangelism or being persuasive enough. You have the influence that you thought was just influence, but it was anointing, right? You had the ability to sell. It's not just the ability to sell. God gave you the gift to persuade. Yeah. And speak. And to speak. Yeah. And you know what's so powerful is that without that job, I wouldn't be able to fulfill what I'm doing now. Look at you. like you know I'm helping people like I'm an online coach and I help people overcome habits and relationships that have been detrimental to their life you know becoming a true follower of Christ living out biblical principles helping them change their perspective you know I'm really help change and mold people's mindset to to receive the biblical principles you it's the Holy Spirit it's not me whatsoever and then I help them get in the best shape of their lives you know treat their bodies the temple of the Holy Spirit I love When you do high ticket coaching, you know, you mentor people, but you have to be able to sell, too. Not sell them the packages, but sell them that they're worth it, that they need this more than anything, that that they need this for their life to break through, that they're worth it, they can find freedom. Like, you got to sell it to people that they're worth it to themselves. Oo, don't be giving don't give away all the tips now cuz I'm [laughter] Oh my god. So true. So So transitioning from from that point, how did you start navigating? Because at this point, you have two kids at this point. Yes. 15 years old, 18 years old. You have children and you're God is opening your eyes. You're you're moving in influence. You get the sales job. And how does that transition to because it wasn't over for you. Oh my goodness. This is like the beginning of my testimony. [laughter] So I'm working the tanning salon. I end up doing very well. They never hire a felon before and I'm still in prison. Technically, I'm still an inmate of the state. But my my district manager, he was like, "I took a chance on you, bro. They're going to ask you some things." So, like just have my back. Like, don't really, you know, I was like, I got you, bro. Don't worry. He's like, but they're watching you on the camera, so work your magic. I remember the day they watched me on camera. The owner, and this this was a over 100 locations. They had like an award for opening more franchise in the nation that year. Chapter 26: Making big money It was like 200 16 or something. They opened more franchises than any business. They were growing that fast cuz it was such a lucrative business at the time, tanning. Mhm. until like the skin cancer stuff came out and that dunked them really bad. But at this time it was very lucrative and thriving. And I remember selling lotion to every single person that walked in the in the door and that was their model. Every single person every single time. Well, not one person could tell me no. So they seen that in me and they're like, "We want you to run a district." So, I went from them never hiring a felon to going in there, learning, never selling anything in my life besides drugs. And people want those. You don't need, you just got a sales person. You ain't got And I end up being the training manager. I was training these girls and these young people to sell to people they've never sold before. And then they gave me seven stores. They gave me seven stores as a district manager. Then they interstate compacted my parole. They're like, "We know you're on parole. Like, we need you to go out to Kansas. We want you to run that market." So, mind you, Colorado to Kansas is like night and day different. It's like super slow, way different, but I was like, I want to go. I never had traveled anywhere. I never been out of out of the state really ever out of prison. I'm like, I want this opportunity, bro. and the owner just really fell in love with just, you know, my ability to teach people and speak and and coach and sell. So, I went out there, I killed it. And I decided that I never wanted to be in Kansas because I was homesick. There like after 6:00 p.m. there was no one on the road. And I was like, "Bro, I'm ready to come home. Like, I can't do this." But I got me a brand new Benz and I was feeling good. I was like I was working, bro. I was doing so well. But in Colorado, this is where my testimony 1 hour, 5 secondsreally starts. In Colorado, at the time, they had just legalized recreational marijuana. Marijuana. 1 hour, 14 secondsThey were one. Well, they're the first. 1 hour, 16 secondsThe first California was medical, but there was hecka laws around. 1 hour, 21 secondsYes. But it wasn't like that. That's why, you know, on 420, people from LA Yeah. 1 hour, 26 secondswould go Colorado where y'all to the capital. It was it's it was like a holiday there, bro. So, you could grow 1 hour, 34 secondsa 100 plants in your basement in your backyard and you can go and and sell it to the dispensary across the street. So, 1 hour, 44 secondsyou can go grow as much as you want and go sell it. It was the wild wild west. It was unregulated. 1 hour, 49 secondsYeah, that's not what and pounds were going for mad expensive because people from all around the country wanted them. So Denver started 1 hour, 57 secondsto be the central hub all around the world for product and then the product started getting really good and my Chapter 27: The black market industry 1 hour, 1 minute, 6 secondspeople that are in my family are still connected with you know the cannabis industry they're like buddy 1 hour, 1 minute, 14 secondsyou're working how much like you're you're working 50 60 70 hours is the 1 hour, 1 minute, 21 secondsdevil started working cuz I was fulfilled bro I was barely making my bills, but I was so happy. I was going 1 hour, 1 minute, 28 secondsto church. I was in Kansas, separated from everybody cuz like, you know, I was in the gang banging lifestyle. Then all a sudden, I was wearing suits to work. 1 hour, 1 minute, 35 secondsThe the homies were like, "What the heck?" They're like, they were happy for me, but I was I was pulling myself apart from that world already as it was in the 1 hour, 1 minute, 44 secondshalfway house. I wasn't even fully out of prison yet. I was halfway out, halfway in. 1 hour, 1 minute, 49 secondsAnd essentially I caught back to Colorado and they gave me another market because I didn't want to be in Kansas anymore. 1 hour, 1 minute, 58 secondsAnd I remember I seen the money, bro. 1 hour, 2 minutes, 2 secondsI seen I I I middleman some packs, which are pounds of weed. 1 hour, 2 minutes, 6 secondsIt was a 10 pack. Some guys came in. I knew them from the streets. Some people put it together for me. And I I made 1 hour, 2 minutes, 12 secondslike $2,000 in like 60 seconds. And I was like, 1 hour, 2 minutes, 20 secondsthen that's when the devil started really working on me, bro. Like, what are you doing? You working 50, 60 hours a week because these younger people wouldn't show up to work. I would be 1 hour, 2 minutes, 29 secondsresponsible for the stores opening. I would work, you know, Monday through Friday, then Saturday I'd have to go run to the store cuz they wouldn't open. It 1 hour, 2 minutes, 36 secondswas just a lot, you know. And, I would I gave it up, bro. I gave it up and started growing in my basement on 1 hour, 2 minutes, 44 secondsparole and I started doing things real shady and by the by the skin of my teeth, 1 hour, 2 minutes, 53 secondsbro. I was able to make it off of parole, but I started to really elevate in the black market cannabis industry. 1 hour, 3 minutes, 1 secondWhat What do you mean by black market? 1 hour, 3 minutes, 3 secondsSo you have like the legal market where they have to have permits and they have to have the warehouses with all the 1 hour, 3 minutes, 10 secondsthings and their weed has to be inspected and then they have to sell it and there's taxes and all these other things on it. The government needs the tax. 1 hour, 3 minutes, 19 secondsAbsolutely. Well, the black market is none of that. There's no rules. M. 1 hour, 3 minutes, 26 secondsSo we had big outdoor grows, indoor grows, multiple houses, and I started just the gift of the Holy Spirit, the Chapter 28: Lavish spending and emptiness 1 hour, 3 minutes, 35 secondsanointing. I started hustling so hard and I just had the whole city buying weed from it. I couldn't even I couldn't 1 hour, 3 minutes, 43 secondseven keep the orders. And the Asians seen the potential in me. 1 hour, 3 minutes, 48 secondsWhen you say the Asians, you mean the Asian cartel? Oh, no. 1 hour, 3 minutes, 52 secondsThey're like, "Okay." Okay, then I'm like, "Oh, wait a minute. I can get that weed from the Asians for a lot cheaper. 1 hour, 3 minutes, 57 secondsI don't have the overhead in these houses, the stress about someone kicking my door in or stealing my weed when they're clipping from me, right? 1 hour, 4 minutes, 4 secondsA whole process. I could just go over there to get it from them and just drop it over here and make 50K. 1 hour, 4 minutes, 10 secondsOh, and they have transportation across the state lines and all and it's on time, bro. So overnight, bro, I went from, you 1 hour, 4 minutes, 20 secondsknow, making $50,000 a year salary at at the be at at the beach tanning salon there in Colorado 1 hour, 4 minutes, 27 secondsto growing making 10, 20, 30k a month depending on on you know, crops, 1 hour, 4 minutes, 35 secondsmaybe 40k in a good month to I was making 50 to 100k every time I dropped a big drop. 1 hour, 4 minutes, 44 secondsAnd I had these connections that were supernaturally coming. Bro, I met this dude at a strip club one night on a Tuesday. 1 hour, 4 minutes, 51 secondsWent to the strip club. The strip club was closed. 1 hour, 4 minutes, 54 secondsWe went up there. It was like 10:00 at night. They had no business, so they closed early. I'm walking out, bro. And I met this guy. He's like like, "What's up, bro? What's up? How are you?" And I 1 hour, 5 minutes, 3 secondsend up meeting him. He's like this big player from New York. He ends up being my biggest client, selling like big numbers and never even 1 hour, 5 minutes, 14 secondslike to the point where our relationship was so well we wouldn't even count the money. He wouldn't even open the box. He would just send it. We were just sending sending sending sending. It was just it 1 hour, 5 minutes, 22 secondswas just hot, bro. So, I went from making 30 to 50k in my own growouses to making a million dollars a month, bro. 1 hour, 5 minutes, 32 secondsand blowing it in the strip clubs, in the clubs, on vacations faster than it was coming in. 1 hour, 5 minutes, 40 secondsNo, you were blowing it faster, bro. I I think I was probably going to the club 1 hour, 5 minutes, 48 secondsbetween five and six times a week, blowing at least 12 to 20,000 a night in 1 hour, 5 minutes, 56 secondsthe club. $1,000 bottles of Ace of Spades, $800 bottles of Don Julio. Chapter 29: The cost of success 1 hour, 6 minutes, 2 secondsum you know half a million dollar in jewelry, you know, multiple cars and trucks and all these things and I was looking for love, bro. 1 hour, 6 minutes, 11 secondsSo what what about money made you think that that would translate into love? 1 hour, 6 minutes, 18 secondsI idolized it in prison cuz it's something I never had before. Never had 1 hour, 6 minutes, 25 secondslove but never had material items. M and I was in the prison watching other people's TVs cuz I never had money. Only 1 hour, 6 minutes, 32 secondsguys that had money would had the TVs and I'd watch the music videos and I'm like, "Oh, these these rappers, they got all this and they're happy. 1 hour, 6 minutes, 42 secondsThey got the girls. Oh, yep. The girls with the big butts and the chains and the cars and the houses. I'm going to get that." 1 hour, 6 minutes, 50 secondsSo when I got out, I hit the ground running and then essentially it wasn't very hard to entice me to come over from working a tanning salon job to then 1 hour, 6 minutes, 59 secondsbecoming a multi-million dollar drug runner. 1 hour, 7 minutes, 5 secondsAnd my and my whole thing is like when I felt pulled apart in prison, when I got the news my daughter's mom, she had passed, I was like, I'm never going to touch 1 hour, 7 minutes, 14 secondsdrugs again. And the way that I I justified it was, "Well, at least I'm not touching cocaine or meth. At least 1 hour, 7 minutes, 21 secondsit's just weed." It was just weed. So, you thought it was okay. 1 hour, 7 minutes, 25 secondsYeah, bro. There was times where I would be sitting on the lake on my $100,000 boat and I would do plays where I was 1 hour, 7 minutes, 33 secondsmaking 50 60k in one shot. And I wasn't even in there on in the vicinity. I was on a lake in the middle of Nebraska. 1 hour, 7 minutes, 41 seconds[snorts] 1 hour, 7 minutes, 41 secondsAnd there was multiple things in this journey of selling drugs that near-death experiences, 1 hour, 7 minutes, 49 secondsyou know, multiple things that had happened which we'll get to. But I still didn't ever want to give it up. And I 1 hour, 7 minutes, 57 secondswas I almost died a few times in super crazy situations. Even had my daughter in the middle of it. Bro, hold on. 1 hour, 8 minutes, 5 secondsBecause that was my identity. Without this, I'm nothing. Who who who am I if I don't if people if I don't pull up to the club with all my chains on out of my 1 hour, 8 minutes, 14 secondstruck like on 40 you know 4G autos you know I had the show trucks I was into like you know being flashy bro if I 1 hour, 8 minutes, 23 secondsdidn't have all this then who am I nobody there was a point in my life I couldn't even go to the grocery store without my chains on bro so what I do 1 hour, 8 minutes, 31 secondsknow is through this entire process with the Lord like he allowed me to go all the way to the clouds else, bro. Chapter 30: Praying for wrong things 1 hour, 8 minutes, 40 secondsLike everything that I ever desired in my life that I I I would pray for like, 1 hour, 8 minutes, 46 seconds"God, give me a like all this money and all these women and all these things cuz I thought it was going to give me what I 1 hour, 8 minutes, 55 secondsneeded in my heart." And when he gave it to me, that's what I thought who I thought he was cuz he would let me go all the way to the clouds. Then coming all the way down, hitting the rock, bro. 1 hour, 9 minutes, 7 secondsAll the way down to the bottom, bro. The rock meaning Jesus Christ. Breaking me, bro. 1 hour, 9 minutes, 14 secondsStill not receiving it. 1 hour, 9 minutes, 17 secondsAllowed me to go back up to the clouds again. 1 hour, 9 minutes, 21 secondsAll the way to the top. All the things that I was praying for to be a successful drug dealer. Bro, tell me why this. I used to pray to God for him to help me rob people. 1 hour, 9 minutes, 37 secondsNo, bro. Nah, I swear, bro. And I used to say, if it's in your will, like just just make it 1 hour, 9 minutes, 45 secondshappen. Like, I could just I'm not going to shoot him, not going to kill him. Like, put it together. 1 hour, 9 minutes, 50 secondsAnd bro, like that was my relationship with the Lord at that time, bro. And I thought that was what he wanted for me. 1 hour, 9 minutes, 58 secondsAnd he he would make it happen, bro. 1 hour, 10 minutes, 2 secondsNot saying he Yeah. But it would happen. He protected you. 1 hour, 10 minutes, 5 secondsHe protected me. He allowed it to happen. 1 hour, 10 minutes, 8 secondsAnd you thought it was him saying, "All right, son." Yep. Yep. Keep going. Keep going. It's a devil, bro. The devil was my father, you know, like it says in John, bro. 1 hour, 10 minutes, 19 secondsAnd again, to the clouds. I'm up there and not in heaven. I mean I mean in my own 1 hour, 10 minutes, 26 secondsmind in my own world thinking I'm higher ex I'm exalted I'm exalting myself. Yes. 1 hour, 10 minutes, 32 secondsAnd he then humbled me again right as it says in scripture that he will humble the exalted and he then hit the rock again bro. 1 hour, 10 minutes, 44 secondsAnd it was the hardest time of my life because I Chapter 31: Hitting rock bottom 1 hour, 10 minutes, 52 secondsremember throwing thousands and thousands of dollars at the club and everyone's like we were next to Kevin Gates next to me in the bottle section. 1 hour, 11 minutes, 1 secondWe were partying with like 30 people in my section. Everyone just like looks at you like, "Oh, what's up, bro?" Like a god. You in there with your jewelry on. 1 hour, 11 minutes, 10 secondsall my friends who I thought like were like just the runners of the city like had multiple businesses selling drugs like we were just we thought we were 1 hour, 11 minutes, 18 secondsrunning things. I was just so high on cocaine this one night. Bro, I remember like it was yesterday. I would drink and drink and drink and drink and I I still would be coherent. 1 hour, 11 minutes, 28 secondsI could drink two bottles of 1942, bro, and I I would still like be coherent. 1 hour, 11 minutes, 33 secondsAnd I really believe like the Holy Spirit was like putting that that that power on me to so I could remember everything. Like I could be very 1 hour, 11 minutes, 41 secondscoherent but still in a drunken state of mind cuz I would never get past the point. I just thought I was just strong and just like this tough guy that could 1 hour, 11 minutes, 49 secondsdo these things. But I remember me and my ex-wife rolled back to the house and I remember thinking about my life 1 hour, 11 minutes, 57 secondsand I'm like I've achieved every single thing in my life that I ever wanted. 1 hour, 12 minutes, 2 secondsBeing in prison, I idolized a lifestyle through music videos and magazines and I've achieved it. I got the cars. I 1 hour, 12 minutes, 11 secondsmean, I had like seven cars and like five or six motorcycles that were custom from the frame. I had, you know, 1 hour, 12 minutes, 18 secondsrace car Mercedes Benzes in the driveway, a big house, you know, I had all the status and all the jewelry. I had everyone in the city who loved me. 1 hour, 12 minutes, 28 secondsAnd I had this wife that I fantasized about her body like in prison. Like I wanted this woman and I achieved it. And I still was empty, bro. Chapter 32: Toxic marriage 1 hour, 12 minutes, 38 secondsAnd I was like I was almost to the point where like I was ready to die. Like I I I was ready to die and we going home and 1 hour, 12 minutes, 47 secondswe're fighting. Like I I was just like trying to like love this woman out of her trauma. 1 hour, 12 minutes, 55 secondsAnd I I I trauma bonded with her cuz we had a lot of a lot of very very like 1 hour, 13 minutes, 2 secondsidentical testimonies from when we were children. 1 hour, 13 minutes, 6 secondsAnd I I could never do it. And I felt so unworthy that I couldn't love her and she wasn't receiving it. And I was like, 1 hour, 13 minutes, 14 secondswhat's wrong with me? How come I can't love this woman out of her trauma? Like I'm giving her everything like all the material itis and all these other 1 hour, 13 minutes, 21 secondsthings, right? And I was a fallen man, too. I was lusting after other women and there was a lot of things that I was doing. I was no no by no means perfect 1 hour, 13 minutes, 28 secondsat all. But I just couldn't understand it cuz we didn't have the Lord at all whatsoever. It was very dark in that home, a dark cloud. 1 hour, 13 minutes, 36 secondsWe end up going home and I'm just doing all kinds of cocaine. I'm in my my closet and I remember a time in prison 1 hour, 13 minutes, 45 secondsand I remember going to the the phone and I dial my inmate number and my password number one. the caller has been blocked. Number two, blocked three. 1 hour, 13 minutes, 57 secondsEvery one of them was blocked and it was Thanksgiving. And I remember being so hurt and having like this huge lump in 1 hour, 14 minutes, 5 secondsmy throat, bro. Like just so sad that I was like abandoned by everyone that I loved. And I couldn't speak to my family. 1 hour, 14 minutes, 13 secondsAnd I was in my closet, coked out, done, achieved everything in life that I ever fantasized or dreamed 1 hour, 14 minutes, 22 secondsof. And I couldn't trust my own wife. I couldn't trust my friends at the club cuz they were lusting after my wife. 1 hour, 14 minutes, 29 secondsThey were they were trying to do things behind my back. I couldn't trust the people I was in business with. I was miserable. Wow. 1 hour, 14 minutes, 37 secondsAnd I wanted to kill myself. 1 hour, 14 minutes, 39 secondsAnd I remember that time in prison when no one would answer my phone. when I would have switched spots right there with that man back in prison, you know, 1 hour, 14 minutes, 49 secondsfour or five years ago and started all over again. I would have given it up all at that very moment. I remember like it 1 hour, 14 minutes, 56 secondswas yesterday. Even though I was cloaked out of my mind, drinking multiple bottles. Chapter 33: Shot in the back 1 hour, 15 minutes, 1 secondI remember that I would have switched spots in one second with that boy that was in prison. 1 hour, 15 minutes, 11 secondsSo that was a huge wakeup call that I believe the Lord allowed me to see that. Yes. 1 hour, 15 minutes, 19 secondsOh man. 1 hour, 15 minutes, 20 secondsAnd my my relationship got so toxic to the point where you know I I got shot over her. 1 hour, 15 minutes, 30 secondsYou got shot over her? 1 hour, 15 minutes, 32 secondsShot over her. Fighting in the club. full of ego and pride. We were constantly separating. 1 hour, 15 minutes, 39 secondsover, you know, this stuff that when you're in a toxic relationship. I think my relationship was the most toxic I've 1 hour, 15 minutes, 47 secondsever heard of in my life. Like, I've never heard someone tell me they had a more toxic relationship than me, other 1 hour, 15 minutes, 55 secondsthan people who I know end up dying at the hand of their ex. 1 hour, 16 minutes, 2 secondsI've known multiple people that have killed their ex in a fight and I've known multiple people who have gotten 1 hour, 16 minutes, 11 secondskilled by their ex. And I have not heard a story of anyone close to what me and my 1 hour, 16 minutes, 19 secondsex-wife produced in our toxic relationship, bro. 1 hour, 16 minutes, 24 secondsAnd that's kind of where like my entire passion for coaching and helping people because I know how dark that is, bro. 1 hour, 16 minutes, 35 secondsWhen all you want to do is receive love and you've never received love your 1 hour, 16 minutes, 43 secondswhole life because all you did was look for it in in broken people in a broken world and you turn every stone and it's it's 1 hour, 16 minutes, 52 secondsnot there and you try to love people out of that when you're broken and then they they 1 hour, 17 minuteslet you down and you become more broken and alcohol and drugs. You turn to selling 1 hour, 17 minutes, 10 secondsdrugs. That was my addiction, the status, the the fame of it. And that was the hardest thing for me to overcome. So my coaching program is deeply rooted. 1 hour, 17 minutes, 21 secondsEvery speaking video. And people ask me, do you script your stuff when you talk or when you do YouTube videos or anything like that? Like no, it all comes from this testimony. 1 hour, 17 minutes, 31 secondsWow. just freestyle with the Holy Spirit and helping people overcome habits and relationships that have been detrimental Chapter 34: Recovery and toxic cycle 1 hour, 17 minutes, 38 secondsto their life. Like yes, people may not truly have been through the things I have, but everyone has been in a very toxic 1 hour, 17 minutes, 47 secondsrelationship that produced some type of death, meaning unfulfillment, unhappiness, and into a cycle. And in a 1 hour, 17 minutes, 54 secondslot of ways, we off we've can find ourselves not healed and jumping into another relationship and then that one's the same way and 1 hour, 18 minutes, 2 secondsthen not healing again and then jumping into another relationship. So, it's a never- ending cycle that the devil has us in, bro. 1 hour, 18 minutes, 9 secondsThat's right. That's right. Oh my gosh. 1 hour, 18 minutes, 12 secondsSo, toxicity in the midst of you guys were married or no? 1 hour, 18 minutes, 16 secondsYeah, you were married. I got married 4 months out of prison. 1 hour, 18 minutes, 19 secondsOh, I met her I met her in well I we got married in four months of knowing each other. 1 hour, 18 minutes, 29 secondsYeah, bro. And we were married for 5 years. Didn't have no children together, but she had two of her own and I had two of my own. 1 hour, 18 minutes, 38 secondsSo, it was a blended family. 1 hour, 18 minutes, 40 secondsAnd things were things were good for the first year. 1 hour, 18 minutes, 47 secondsand you know I I wanted to provide for her and you know be the father to her children cuz I was so hurt by my 1 hour, 18 minutes, 56 secondsstepdad. I was like I'll never treat children like that again or I'll never treat children like that ever. So I had 1 hour, 19 minutes, 3 secondsit on my heart to always treat my stepchildren like with utmost like love and respect. 1 hour, 19 minutes, 9 secondsBut you know, really what it comes down to, bro, is when you have drugs and alcohol in the home, it's the worst thing that you could open the door for 1 hour, 19 minutes, 18 secondsthe devil to do. Because as men, we're leaders. Kingdom order is we lead the 1 hour, 19 minutes, 25 secondshousehold as Christ loved and died for the church. Yes. 1 hour, 19 minutes, 28 secondsYou know, we're the head of the household. We're the covering for the wife. Mhm. 1 hour, 19 minutes, 32 secondsAnd if the devil can open that door, the first thing that men deal with when it comes to drinking is lust. 1 hour, 19 minutes, 41 secondsOh my gosh. It's like a gateway drug, you know, and 1 hour, 19 minutes, 50 secondslike it when it came to the porn, masturbation, drinking, cocaine, 1 hour, 19 minutes, 58 secondssteroids, I was in this toxic like spiral, Chapter 35: Ending the marriage 1 hour, 20 minutes, 4 secondsand I was looking for things to fill my flesh up, and it was just a dark, neverending hole. 1 hour, 20 minutes, 13 secondsAnd me and my wife, the only thing that we had in common is drinking and sex. 1 hour, 20 minutes, 22 secondsAnd that's what bound us together for so long. And when you're in a passionate 1 hour, 20 minutes, 30 secondsrelationship only revolved around that, you start to breed 1 hour, 20 minutes, 36 secondsvery very toxic passionate love. Like, you know, they have that that law in some states where if you kill someone 1 hour, 20 minutes, 44 secondsout of an act of passion, it's like a manslaughter charge. Yeah. Multiple times. Passion. Yeah. 1 hour, 20 minutes, 51 secondsMultiple times we would be fighting and we would be beating the brakes off of each other, bro. 1 hour, 20 minutes, 59 secondsLike fist fighting, like full force. 1 hour, 21 minutes, 1 secondFull force. Each other like throwing each other just like the worst things of the worst. I remember we were fighting one night after a Christmas party. We 1 hour, 21 minutes, 10 secondsjust bought a house, had all the family over and found something stupid to fight about and I punched through some glass. 1 hour, 21 minutes, 18 secondsI punched this glass and it it spaghetti me. It cut all my tendons, all my nerves, all my arteries in half twice. 1 hour, 21 minutes, 30 secondsThe surgeon said that then he's never seen a nerve as bad as mine. And the nerve sends the the feeling and allows 1 hour, 21 minutes, 38 secondsyou to move it. So I have no intrinsics on my hand on my right hand here. And 1 hour, 21 minutes, 46 secondsessentially I was paralyzed for 9 months until I had surgery and had two additional surgeries after just from 1 hour, 21 minutes, 53 secondspunching through glass fighting with her. Almost died through that. 1 hour, 21 minutes, 58 secondsUm and when we would split up, she would get her stuff. It was like, you know, clockwork. And I think everyone 1 hour, 22 minutes, 6 secondscould probably relate to this. Like, I'm done with you. Get at your stuff and get out of here. When we would separate, 1 hour, 22 minutes, 14 secondsI would go and fool around, you know, at the strip clubs, you know, when women see opportunity. 1 hour, 22 minutes, 20 secondsIt's all another level. Especially they see a baller in the in the strip club, he's throwing money. Oh, his wife is gone, too. Oh, meal ticket. 1 hour, 22 minutes, 29 secondsSo, you have everyone trying to, you know, latch on to you and do these things. Well, I was falling right into it, you know. And I thought trying to fill a void. 1 hour, 22 minutes, 38 secondsWell, there was one time that me and my wife had tried to reconcile my ex-wife and she had slept with one of 1 hour, 22 minutes, 48 secondsone people that I used to do work with and the ego and pride. I was like, "Oh, how dare he do this to me after all the 1 hour, 22 minutes, 55 secondsthings I've helped him with, you know, fronting him things and and helping him out with money and all this stuff." And 1 hour, 23 minutes, 2 secondsum I end up going over to this strip club and he was there and end up 1 hour, 23 minutes, 9 secondsgetting into this big brawl and you know laid him out at this strip club. My friends got into it with their friends. Like we smashed him out at the table. Chapter 36: Revenge and consequences 1 hour, 23 minutes, 17 secondsEgo and pride was still going heavy, bro. And he calls me. He's like, "Bro, what's wrong with you?" Like I It wasn't even me. It was like my brother. Like Like it wasn't even me. Like I don't 1 hour, 23 minutes, 25 secondswant anything to do with it. I'm cool with you, bro. Like Like can we just be friends? And I'm like, "F you, bro." Ego and pride. And I'm drunk, bro. And I'm like, "Where you at?" I'm pulling up. 1 hour, 23 minutes, 34 secondsWhere you at? I'm pulling up. So he's like, "Just come over here." And right all the intentions were just just to fight him, right? Pull up. We end up 1 hour, 23 minutes, 42 secondsopening the door and I went to go fight him, bro. And he shoots me. I seen the gun pull up in the in the shadow and 1 hour, 23 minutes, 51 secondsI'm like, there's no way he's going to shoot me, bro. Like I know him. Like he's my homie. Like there's no way he's going to do this, bro. when he just let 1 hour, 23 minutes, 58 secondshim out. Boom. Boom. Boom. My friend that was with me, he shot him in the leg and it completely broke his femur in 1 hour, 24 minutes, 7 secondshalf. So before we went in there, I told my boy, I'm like, "Hey, I'm going to just fight him and we're going to get out of here. 1 hour, 24 minutes, 15 secondsWe're going to call." He's like, "All right, I got you." Well, when you go into the house, like there's this big huge metal door. Thank God. 1 hour, 24 minutes, 27 secondsAnd then there's the glass door that opens inside the house, double door, right? So we open the big heavy door, we knock on the door, boom, boom, boom. And 1 hour, 24 minutes, 35 secondsthen she, the girl that owned the house, open the door, and then it's dark. 1 hour, 24 minutes, 40 secondsMe and my friend come inside, the door to the house is open. So the big metal door is closed cuz it just closes automatically. 1 hour, 24 minutes, 50 secondsHe raises up his hand. I can see it in the shadow. And like I said, I'm like, there's no way. And he lets off. Boom, boom, [clears throat] boom. We turn around. He shoots me in my back, shoots me in my arm. We We go outside the door. 1 hour, 25 minutes, 2 secondsAnd luckily, bro, the door saved our life. Bro, he was trying to kill you. 1 hour, 25 minutes, 6 secondsYes. To the point when that door slammed shut cuz it was such a big heavy automatic door. He was shooting out the 1 hour, 25 minutes, 14 secondsdoor, the bullets ricocheted back into the house and shot the owner of the house. 1 hour, 25 minutes, 21 secondsThey thought we shot she thought that we shot her, but it was his own gun that 1 hour, 25 minutes, 28 secondsshot her. So then we're outside and my friends like won't move. I'm like, "Bro, get up. What are you doing?" He's like, 1 hour, 25 minutes, 35 seconds"Ah, I'm dying. I'm dying. I can't get up." I'm like, "Bro, quit playing, bro. 1 hour, 25 minutes, 40 secondsLike, get up. Like, figure it out. Man up." He's like, "No, I can't move my leg, bro. Like, I'm dying. Just leave me here." here. And I'm like, now I was 1 hour, 25 minutes, 47 secondslike, I just went into like superhero mode like like I thought we were in a movie. And I'm like, "Okay, no, I got Chapter 37: Hospital recovery 1 hour, 25 minutes, 56 secondsyou." I start dragging him out. And I I looked down at his car that's down the street and I'm like, "Okay, I'm going to throw you on my back, bro. I'm going to throw you in the back of your car and 1 hour, 26 minutes, 4 secondswe're going to go to the hospital." I had this whole plan in my head like thought I was just like in a movie, action movie star. 1 hour, 26 minutes, 11 secondsAnd then he looked down at my leg. He's like, "Bro, look at your leg." And I looked down, bro, and I my jeans were full of blood. I didn't even know I was 1 hour, 26 minutes, 19 secondsshocked. He's like, "Are you good?" And as soon as I seen that, bro, I felt it. 1 hour, 26 minutes, 23 secondsAnd I we hear the sirens. And like they're they were close, but not super close. And I fell out on the pavement. 1 hour, 26 minutes, 32 secondsBoom. And I'm here next to him. I thought he was dying. And I'm like, "We're dead." And I'm looking behind me and I see the dude come from outside the 1 hour, 26 minutes, 40 secondshouse. And I see his silhouette. He starts running and I'm like, "Oh, we're dead, bro. We're dead." And then, but I 1 hour, 26 minutes, 48 secondssee him go across the street and down the road because he was running from the place. That's the last thing I remember. 1 hour, 26 minutes, 56 secondsI wake up at the hospital and I was like, "Oh, where am I?" They're like, "No, no, don't move. You've been shot in your spine." Spine. 1 hour, 27 minutes, 5 secondsYou've been shot in your spine. And I'm like, "No, no, I'm good." I'm like, they're like, "No, listen up. You've been shot in your spine. If you move, 1 hour, 27 minutes, 13 secondsyou're going to be paralyzed. We can see the bullet. If you move, you might be paralyzed. And I'm like, okay, that calm 1 hour, 27 minutes, 20 secondsme down. Remind you, I'm drunk, full of full of adrenaline, full of ego, full of pride. The last 1 hour, 27 minutes, 27 secondsthing I remember is my best friend saying he was dying. So, I'm like, wait a minute. Where is my brother? Like, 1 hour, 27 minutes, 35 secondswhere's where's my boy? He's like, don't worry about him. I'm like, no, no, no, no. Is he okay? They're like, "We can't tell you that." And I just start on my I 1 hour, 27 minutes, 44 secondsstart tripping. I'm like, "I'm going to get up. I'm going to get up." I'm like ripping things out of my arm. And they're like, "No, no, no. Please." And the doctor made an executive decision cuz they're not supposed to be able to tell me about his condition. 1 hour, 27 minutes, 54 secondsBut the doctor's like, "Please stop moving. I'm not supposed to tell you, but he's okay. 1 hour, 27 minutes, 58 secondsHe's okay. You're okay, but if you move, you will be paralyzed, bro. Like, you're it's this close to your spine." 1 hour, 28 minutes, 6 secondsFinally, I I calm down and then I see him like they push me back. They push me past his his room. obviously I wasn't 1 hour, 28 minutes, 14 secondsparalyzed and the whole time I'm in in the hospital I'm just thinking like oh I knew my ex-wife slept with this person. I'm like going to get these people back. Chapter 38: A final attempt 1 hour, 28 minutes, 24 secondsYou're still in that place? 1 hour, 28 minutes, 25 secondsYes, bro. Like walking around with the bullet in my back. They didn't pull the bullet out because it would have done more damage. So, I got hit in my arm and 1 hour, 28 minutes, 33 secondsI got hit in my hip and it ricocheted to my hip and was like this close from my spine and I'm like just like planning all 1 hour, 28 minutes, 42 secondsthese things. I'm like, "These guys ain't going to get me. Like, do they know who I am?" Like just living for this false identity, bro. And end up 1 hour, 28 minutes, 51 secondsgoing home and end up drinking right away. I have these 1 hour, 28 minutes, 59 secondsstripper girls come over, bring me some bottles, don't even sleep, doing cocaine. 1 hour, 29 minutes, 5 secondsI'm still up. My doctor calls me that I've known forever, years and years and years and years. Very close friend of 1 hour, 29 minutes, 12 secondsmine, balling her eyes out. She's like, "Are you effing kidding me? What is wrong with you?" Mind you, she's like a Greek lady. Doesn't ever speak like 1 hour, 29 minutes, 20 secondsthis. She's like, "What are you doing? I can tell like you're out there doing crazy stuff." She's like, "Do you realize what happened?" And I'm like, 1 hour, 29 minutes, 28 seconds"Yeah, I got shot. Like, what? Like, I'm fine." "No, buddy. You were shot so close to your spine. If it would have been a bigger caliberable bullet, you 1 hour, 29 minutes, 37 secondswould be paralyzed right now." It's like, "I can't believe like you're not affected by this. Like, what's wrong with you? Like, you need to get your life together." And bro, my doctor never 1 hour, 29 minutes, 46 secondseven spoke to you in my personal life ever. 1 hour, 29 minutes, 50 secondsShe's like, "You do not realize how close you were to dying." And I still didn't care, bro. 1 hour, 29 minutes, 58 secondsI could honestly say like when I was sitting there in my h like beautiful home that I custom built and like drinking with these strippers and like 1 hour, 30 minutes, 5 secondsknowing my my wife did the ultimate worst to me. Like I finally found out that she did something that I did to her 1 hour, 30 minutes, 11 secondshundred times. But the ego and pride in me was like, "How dare she?" You know what I'm saying? Like it was just like the worst thing ever that could happen 1 hour, 30 minutes, 19 secondsto to me. I was just like, "What do I have? like I there's nothing for me to live for. I've already achieved everything. 1 hour, 30 minutes, 28 secondsThat was the mindset that the devil had me in. Bro, I remember I got served with some papers 1 hour, 30 minutes, 36 secondsfrom my ex-wife saying that if you don't tell if you don't give me this, then I'm 1 hour, 30 minutes, 43 secondsgoing to tell the lawyers and these things that you you have this this this and this and that allegedly, right? And 1 hour, 30 minutes, 50 secondsI'm like no, like whatever. like I'm not I'm not going to fall to that. I'm going to get this divorce. 1 hour, 30 minutes, 56 secondsAnd essentially, we were in our toxicity still. And you like I had to look inside of me, bro, and and and really think like, did I 1 hour, 31 minutes, 4 secondsgive this marriage everything? Because at one point, I did love this person and I did commit my life to her and like what are the things that are getting in the way of us? It's like the Chapter 39: The divorce 1 hour, 31 minutes, 13 secondsalcohol and the drugs and the partying and the women and the status and all these things. And I'm like, let me try one more time. Let me try one more time. 1 hour, 31 minutes, 21 secondsAnd we literally have tore our house up. 1 hour, 31 minutes, 26 secondsLike multiple couches, maybe over seven to eight TVs, walls, like every wall in the house would be damaged multiple nights, bro. 1 hour, 31 minutes, 34 secondsBlood everywhere. Like embarrassing stuff, bro. 1 hour, 31 minutes, 39 secondsAnd it was all alcohol, just toxicity, generational curses, bro. 1 hour, 31 minutes, 47 secondsI'm like, if I can cut out the alcohol, cut out the porn, masturbation, 1 hour, 31 minutes, 56 secondsget in the best shape of my life and eat the way I want to, help her with the things that she had 1 hour, 32 minutes, 4 secondscomplaints about of our relationship, that she didn't feel like she was doing anything. She wanted a, you know, a business. she was overweight from, you 1 hour, 32 minutes, 12 secondsknow, us being, you know, in in that stage of like the honeymoon stage, right? I'm like, maybe I can help this 1 hour, 32 minutes, 20 secondsmarriage and I'm going to try one more time. So, I ended up trying to reconcile this marriage and did all those things. 1 hour, 32 minutes, 28 secondsI gave up the alcohol. I got a trainer. I I I fell in love with eating, right? 1 hour, 32 minutes, 32 secondsAnd that's really where like I felt I connected with the Holy Spirit 1 hour, 32 minutes, 40 secondswhere I would put on Joel Ostein which he's very baby Christian but that literally I had no other motivation to wake up in the morning. He's like get up 1 hour, 32 minutes, 48 secondsyou can do this. You know you there's more that the Lord has for you. I couldn't get up without that bro. I needed the Lord to speak over me bro. I had no worth inside myself. 1 hour, 32 minutes, 59 secondsSo, I ended up moving her back into the house and we got all these things in Chapter 40: The setup 1 hour, 33 minutes, 7 secondsalignment with what I thought that would allow us to reconcile our marriage. And we realized this one thing that we had nothing in common. 1 hour, 33 minutes, 20 secondsOh, nothing in common outside of the sex and alcohol, partying vac, like exotic vacations, going on shopping sprees. 1 hour, 33 minutes, 31 secondsNothing in common, bro. I wasn't attracted to her. and then there was a lot of infidelity 1 hour, 33 minutes, 39 secondsas well on both sides, you know, and very hurt and we didn't have the Lord at all. So, I end up breaking things off and I didn't do it in the right way. 1 hour, 33 minutes, 51 secondsIt was really horrible way. I did it. I was like did some horrible things like with these girls in the club and it was like her arch enemy and I I did her very 1 hour, 33 minutes, 59 secondsbad and I repented for all those things, you know, but she ends up understanding like, okay, it's over because like we 1 hour, 34 minutes, 6 secondsdid everything we could. So then she ends up leaving. Mind you, I'm still heavy selling. that's my primary source 1 hour, 34 minutes, 15 secondsof income, you know, at this point. And I end up essentially 1 hour, 34 minutes, 22 secondstaking everything. I didn't own anything. Like nothing was mine. So she couldn't receive anything. You know what 1 hour, 34 minutes, 29 secondsI'm saying? So when the divorce came to a head in the courts, she didn't receive a dollar and she thought she was getting, you know, 500k and she was very upset. 1 hour, 34 minutes, 41 secondsAnd I was also in the streets was sleeping with her friends and sleeping with people doing her really dirty. Very 1 hour, 34 minutes, 48 secondsbitter, very bitter. A scorned woman is not nothing to be played with. And 1 hour, 34 minutes, 56 secondsshe ended up telling a old client of mine that I had some things to do with him getting set up and robbed. 1 hour, 35 minutes, 4 secondsAnd I had no idea what was coming for me, bro. Like I trust these people. I had my daughter with me. My daughter's 16 at the I know it sounds really really bad, but she grew up in it, bro. You Chapter 41: Kidnapped and tortured 1 hour, 35 minutes, 13 secondsknow, even as a young child when I was in prison, she was clipping weed. So, she grew up in it. And these people had 1 hour, 35 minutes, 22 secondsbeen to my house, been to multiple parties, like came over for Christmas. 1 hour, 35 minutes, 26 secondsLike, that's how close I was with these people. Like, it was on time. Never counted the money, never counted the packs. It was just there. 1 hour, 35 minutes, 33 secondsI pulled up to this place in in New Mexico in the middle of nowhere, like literally in the fields. 1 hour, 35 minutes, 40 secondsI pull up, I didn't feel like anything was wrong. I felt good. And I walk into this house. My daughter had to use the restroom. And my other friend had a 1 hour, 35 minutes, 50 secondslong ride. They go back into the car and he closes and locks the door. I didn't think anything of it. And I'm in there 1 hour, 35 minutes, 58 secondscounting the packs. Like I think I brought like the $200,000 worth and before I know it about seven people with ARs, get on the ground. Get on the 1 hour, 36 minutes, 6 secondsground. I'm like, oh my gosh. All I could think about was my daughter because I never lived for myself. 1 hour, 36 minutes, 14 secondsWhen they told me that her mom had passed away when I was in prison, I felt pulled apart and I I had to do it for her. Without her, I would have never got 1 hour, 36 minutes, 22 secondsout of prison. I would have been gang banging. Didn't care about myself. So when the Lord gifted me her, I asked him why. 1 hour, 36 minutes, 31 secondsH and it never made more sense than in that situation because all I could think about was her and I had to reason to get out of there. 1 hour, 36 minutes, 40 secondsSo as they were pistol whipping me, what what' you do at this time? You set me up and I was like, bro, I didn't do nothing. I didn't do nothing. Like I got 1 hour, 36 minutes, 49 secondsmore money. You want that? Just let my daughter go. 1 hour, 36 minutes, 52 secondsAnd I was still full of so much ego and pride. I'm like, "These dude, I dare these dudes to kill me. There's no way they're going to do it." Like, they just know who I'm connected with. There's 1 hour, 36 minutes, 59 secondsnothing. They end up tying me up, putting me in the back of this truck, and I they let me call my daughter. I'm like, "Hey, you guys need to go." She 1 hour, 37 minutes, 8 secondswas with another person in the car. You need to go to the McDonald's. Like, go. 1 hour, 37 minutes, 11 secondsThey're like, "No, what's wrong?" I'm like, "Just go." So, they went down the street and I'm thinking these dudes are just like going to take this stuff and like let me go. And I'm like pretty 1 hour, 37 minutes, 20 secondsmessed up. like my face is like out to here and I go in the truck willingly cuz I didn't 1 hour, 37 minutes, 27 secondswant something to happen to me and my daughter not have a dad and I also didn't want them to hunt them down or something to happen or all I 1 hour, 37 minutes, 36 secondscould think about is them accidentally pulling a trigger or something like that. You know what I'm saying? like and they get in the truck and they start 1 hour, 37 minutes, 45 secondstaking me down this road and I'm like that ain't going to kill me. There's no way they're going to stop 1 hour, 37 minutes, 52 secondsright here. And we kept driving and I'm like there's no way, bro. I don't have no shoes on. Like I'm I'm ripped. I got 1 hour, 37 minutes, 59 secondsblood everywhere. My face is out to like here, bro. There's no way they're going to kill me. There's no way. And they Chapter 42: Escape and survival 1 hour, 38 minutes, 6 secondskeep driving. And I hear I can I can smell the dust from us being on a dirt road. And the Holy Spirit spoke to me 1 hour, 38 minutes, 14 secondsfor the first time. He said, "Get out of here or you're going to die." And I said, "Oh." And I'm like, "Yeah, 1 hour, 38 minutes, 21 secondsI'm going to die if I don't get out of here." It was a truck with the topper that locks. So, at this point, I put my 1 hour, 38 minutes, 29 secondsback against the truck, like the bed of the truck, and I just start I wait for them to to They were like going and stopping like at the stop stop lights. 1 hour, 38 minutes, 36 secondsAnd it's like 4:00 in the morning, middle of the night. Nobody's on this road, and we're in a small town. And on the way there, there's all but a whole 1 hour, 38 minutes, 44 secondsbunch of cops. And I'm driving with the packs. I was the one that drove there with him. I was just taking, you know, making a play, taking a chance, right? 1 hour, 38 minutes, 52 secondsAnd I'm drive. They're driving and every time I hear them stop, I'm like, "Okay, I cannot kick the the top out and let them hear this, they're going to pull 1 hour, 39 minutes, 1 secondout and they're going to kill me out here on the dirt road." So then I'm like kicking it finally. Boom. 1 hour, 39 minutes, 5 seconds[clears throat] Boom. And finally it opened. Bam. I'm like, "Okay, all right. 1 hour, 39 minutes, 9 secondsI'm going to get out." So I waited for them to stop and I I just opened the truck gate. It was a old truck. And I 1 hour, 39 minutes, 18 secondsslid out and rolled out. Boom. And as soon as they turned out, I went into the ditch. Bro, I was like 1 hour, 39 minutes, 25 secondssix miles away from the town. All I could see was this little little red light. I didn't know which way was 1 hour, 39 minutes, 34 secondsnorth, south, east, or west, bro. All I could see was this little red light. 1 hour, 39 minutes, 40 secondsAnd the Holy Spirit said, "Go there." But run. 1 hour, 39 minutes, 45 secondsI I'm running, bro, cuz I can hear the truck. It's like a old old farm truck. 1 hour, 39 minutes, 53 secondsAnd I'm running, bro. Running. No shoes, bro. The clothes bloody. And there's nothing around. There's nothing in these 1 hour, 40 minutesfields. But like the corn was cut down even, bro. Like there was, you could see clearly. I couldn't hide nowhere. And all a sudden, I hear the truck stop. 1 hour, 40 minutes, 9 secondsBoom. And I'm like, oh. I'm like, they figured out that I wasn't in there. And then I hear it come back around. Boom. 1 hour, 40 minutes, 16 secondsAnd I just start chucking it, bro. to the point where like I was running as fast as I possibly could and I was, you 1 hour, 40 minutes, 24 secondsknow, like when you're out of breath but you had to keep going. And I finally made it to this farmhouse and I was like I was like crouched in between this like 1 hour, 40 minutes, 33 secondsbarn and they were driving by. They kept driving by over and over. 1 hour, 40 minutes, 39 secondsThe guys they were driving around looking for me. 1 hour, 40 minutes, 41 secondsYeah. And then I finally just started booking it all the way. just I seen the red light and I would run run run run run and then I would like go till I 1 hour, 40 minutes, 49 secondscouldn't even go. There was times where I was like digging out of the ground to like hiding cuz I was wearing white too 1 hour, 40 minutes, 55 secondson top of it, bro. In a dark illuminated cornfield with like one dirt road. And Chapter 43: Seeking help 1 hour, 41 minutes, 3 secondsfinally, bro, I got to this this this red light and there's a Popeye's there and the Holy Spirit showed up right then 1 hour, 41 minutes, 12 secondsand there. Bro, I was like, I could go to this Denny's where there's a bunch of people, bunch 1 hour, 41 minutes, 20 secondsof like people that would judge me for sure or this Popeye's. And I seen some some 1 hour, 41 minutes, 27 secondspeople who looked like kind of hood that I could talk to them, finesse the situation. I was in survival 1 hour, 41 minutes, 34 secondsmode and I was like the the doors was locked. There was they was cleaning up the Popeyes and I I hit the door and was like, "Hey, come out here." And the guy 1 hour, 41 minutes, 42 secondswas like, "What?" And he came around the back and my face is out to here, bro. 1 hour, 41 minutes, 46 secondsAnd he's like, "Whoa." He's like, "Are you good?" As he came out the back and I'm like, "Bro, please like don't please don't call the cops." Cuz all I could 1 hour, 41 minutes, 54 secondsthink about the cops is questioning me and then taking me to jail. I didn't have my ID. They're like, "Who are you? 1 hour, 41 minutes, 58 secondsWhat are you doing here?" I would have been screwed, bro. I didn't have my phones. They took everything. And he gave me his phone. And I started calling 1 hour, 42 minutes, 6 secondsmy my my partner who I went there with that was with my daughter. I was the whole time I was just thinking about my daughter, bro. 1 hour, 42 minutes, 12 secondsHe was like, "Bro, can this guy let me use his phone? Like, bro, can I tell you something?" He's like, "My friend just got murdered two days 1 hour, 42 minutes, 21 secondsago by some guys over some weed." And I'm like, "What?" He's like, "Yeah, my friend just got murdered two days ago. I 1 hour, 42 minutes, 29 secondsjust went to his funeral today." And I'm like, and the Holy Spirit said, "Do you see what could happen to you? Do you see what could happen to cuz the whole time 1 hour, 42 minutes, 37 secondsin the back of that truck when I was trying to kick it out, they ain't going to kill me. They're not going to kill me. The Holy Spirit said, "Get out or you're going to die." 1 hour, 42 minutes, 45 secondsSo, the confirmation came from him. I finally get a hold of my partner and they they they pull up all quick and my 1 hour, 42 minutes, 53 secondsdaughter's there. My daughter gets out of the car and she just starts crying just like uncontrollably like, "I'm so glad you're okay. Like, let me see your face." And I'm like, "Where were you 1 hour, 43 minutes, 1 secondguys? Where were you at the whole time I was like gone?" you know, cuz they stood there for hours waiting for me to run back, bro. Hiding and running. They're 1 hour, 43 minutes, 9 secondslike, "We were right here by this this red sign." I was like, "What?" 1 hour, 43 minutes, 16 secondsSo, the Holy Spirit told me to go to the red sign the whole time my daughter was waiting there, bro. Oh my gosh. 1 hour, 43 minutes, 23 secondsIt was so powerful, bro. and and yeah, that's you know, and I would be 1 hour, 43 minutes, 31 secondslying if I said that was the time where I I got my stuff together. And I I knew that that that I didn't want to live 1 hour, 43 minutes, 39 secondsthat lifestyle because I knew my daughter needed me and like I was leaving the the person I was supposed to spend the rest of my life with and I was 1 hour, 43 minutes, 47 secondsselling the home and and fully like breaking apart. Chapter 44: A new beginning in Miami 1 hour, 43 minutes, 51 secondsBut I knew something had to change. And there was one place that I would travel to that when I got off the plane, 1 hour, 44 minutes, 1 secondI always told people that my soul was on fire. 1 hour, 44 minutes, 4 secondsLike when I get off the plane, my soul's on fire. But when I would come there, I would go party. I'd be at the clubs. I wouldn't even sleep. I would just be on 1 hour, 44 minutes, 11 secondsthis adrenaline pump and I'd be just partying. And that was Miami. 1 hour, 44 minutes, 17 secondsAnd at that moment, I was like, I need to leave. like start over because these everyone's there now my my this all this 1 hour, 44 minutes, 25 secondsdrama is happening like I'm I'm cut free from like we got a divorce that was like the greatest thing because now you're like financially you you're fully cut 1 hour, 44 minutes, 33 secondsaway from that person and I was like what's one place I would go to that I would never that I feel called to or 1 hour, 44 minutes, 40 secondsfeel comfortable there and I I decided to come to Miami and you know we got we got these 1 hour, 44 minutes, 48 secondsapartments set up to go look at and I'm like praying to the Lord. Still don't know the Lord yet, but I'm asking like if this is in your will that you know you'll you'll show and pave the way. 1 hour, 44 minutes, 58 secondsAnd that's when he started speaking to me, bro. he spoke to me very clearly when I left the divorce and I felt so 1 hour, 45 minutes, 7 secondsjust hurt in my heart, bro. Like I felt like everything I ever knew was just over with. And like this person I was supposed to spend the rest of my life with, even though I didn't want her next 1 hour, 45 minutes, 15 secondsto me, I didn't I didn't want her anywhere else. So, I couldn't I couldn't fathom the idea of her with somebody else, but I hated her when she was next to me. 1 hour, 45 minutes, 25 secondsAnd the Lord said, "Get sober. 1 hour, 45 minutes, 28 secondsGet sober." And when I got sober, the Holy Spirit revealed to me as I was like crying on my knees, asking him to help 1 hour, 45 minutes, 35 secondsme like to understand why I was feeling like that. He said, "It's because you're codependent. 1 hour, 45 minutes, 41 secondsIt's because your mom, your dad, you haven't forgiven them." And I was like, whoa. Like, I didn't 1 hour, 45 minutes, 49 secondsrealize how my generational curses, the trauma in me is why I was seeking out her into a to the point of almost 1 hour, 45 minutes, 59 secondsresulting in death multiple times on both of our accounts. 1 hour, 46 minutes, 4 secondsAnd it was never her, it was me. It was the things that I wasn't healing in my heart. 1 hour, 46 minutes, 11 secondsSo, I essentially was outside of my house before I came visited Miami and 1 hour, 46 minutes, 18 secondsI'm like, "Lord, just show me it's going to be okay cuz I don't feel like it's going to be okay. Like, I feel like it's my life is over." And I look down and 1 hour, 46 minutes, 26 secondssee a dead bird. And I'm like, "Wow." And it gave me peace. 1 hour, 46 minutes, 31 secondsI was like, "A dead bird?" I'm like, "Wow, that's pretty cool. I've never actually seen a dead bird right next to me." So then I take that as a sign from the Lord like everything's going to be okay. Chapter 45: The sign from God 1 hour, 46 minutes, 40 secondsI felt the peace. I just literally prayed 10 minutes and see the dead bird. 1 hour, 46 minutes, 44 secondsEvery time I pray it's like takes the Lord 10 minutes, bro. When you hit me up, it was 10 minutes. So crazy. 1 hour, 46 minutes, 50 secondsWe go to Miami, me, my daughter with the open mind like, let's go there. We're going to surprise your brother cuz he moved to Orlando when I was in prison. So I'm like, we're going to be closer. 1 hour, 46 minutes, 59 secondsUm, you know, I believe that there's something in Miami for us. I don't know what it is. We set up all these apartments. None of them works out. I'm like, I don't like this. This is not 1 hour, 47 minutes, 7 secondsseem like it's working out. This last apartment she picked out. We're going to go look at it. We weren't going to do it. Let's go before we take our flight 1 hour, 47 minutes, 15 secondsback home and we'll just get a place in in Denver. We go around the apartments. 1 hour, 47 minutes, 20 secondsLike, it's nice, but it's so small. We lived in a five bedroomedroom, fourb house, and now it's like the closets are like the size of a like a furnace room. 1 hour, 47 minutes, 31 secondsLike, it's small, bro. 1 hour, 47 minutes, 34 secondsBut we walk out. I'm like, "I don't know, Chanel." Which is my daughter. I was like, "I don't know if we're supposed to go here, but you know," she's like, "Dad, look." And I looked 1 hour, 47 minutes, 43 secondsdown and it's a dead bird. And it brought us both so much peace cuz we were praying about a sign. You know, I 1 hour, 47 minutes, 50 secondswas big about praying for signs at that time. And I felt the the Lord and he he he brought us here, bro. And I I I 1 hour, 47 minutes, 59 secondsmoved and literally I asked the Lord to remove everything from my life. And 1 hour, 48 minutes, 6 secondsevery single friend, gang banging, drugdeing lifestyle, female, he 1 hour, 48 minutes, 13 secondssupernaturally moved in one night of drinking at the club. It was like one of my last nights there. I was about to 1 hour, 48 minutes, 20 secondsmove to Miami, like kind of celebrating my last nights in Denver, and I know everybody there. And I'm like, "Yeah, Lord, I'm thinking about buying this 1 hour, 48 minutes, 29 secondsclub." The owner's like, "I'm gonna mentor you, bro. Like, everything that you want, I'll help you with this club." Because I had money. Mhm. 1 hour, 48 minutes, 37 secondsI was cashed out from the divorce. He's like, "You buy this club, I'm going to mentor you. I'm going to show you how to run it. I'm going to show you everything 1 hour, 48 minutes, 45 secondsyou need, and then I'll sign the club over to you. You're going to be my business partner." And that was like everything to my flesh. I was like, "This is exactly what 1 hour, 48 minutes, 54 secondsI want for my life. everything I dreamed of. I'll have the women. I'll have the status. I'll have all this stuff. Chapter 46: Losing it all 1 hour, 48 minutes, 59 secondsEverything was moving exactly the way I wanted to. I was going to move to Miami, have a club in Denver. But I prayed. 1 hour, 49 minutes, 7 secondsThis was the first time I prayed since since prison probably where I'm like, "Lord, everything is going smoothly, 1 hour, 49 minutes, 14 secondsexactly the way I wanted to. Lord, thank you so much for just blessing me. But if this club is where you want me to go, 1 hour, 49 minutes, 21 secondsshow me. But if it's not, take it from me because I know you have something great for me. I never prayed since prison, bro. It been years. But I just 1 hour, 49 minutes, 30 secondsfelt so good, so gracious that he was releasing me from everything. That night, bro, I end up getting into a fight. I get beat up in front of 1 hour, 49 minutes, 39 secondseveryone, bro. I'm like sloppy, drunk in front of the club. I get 86 from that club I was supposed to buy. All my friends turn their back on me. Like, 1 hour, 49 minutes, 47 secondsliterally let me get beat up in the street. Like, it was so bad. And I was so angry at first, bro. I was like, "How 1 hour, 49 minutes, 55 secondscan these people that I gave up everything to almost died next to being shot? Like the person that was there was the person like I dragged to the truck 1 hour, 50 minutes, 4 secondsthat I was dying next to me, bro." And I'm like, "How could this man do this to me, bro? What is going on here?" So the Lord took everything from me, bro. 1 hour, 50 minutes, 14 secondsAnd I moved to Miami on a clean slate, bro. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. 1 hour, 50 minutes, 23 seconds[laughter] 1 hour, 50 minutes, 24 secondsThis is not possible. 1 hour, 50 minutes, 27 secondsOkay, so you got out like first of all that's a lot. 1 hour, 50 minutes, 33 secondsBut you're moving to Miami. Chapter 47: Sober and celibate 1 hour, 50 minutes, 36 secondsIt's crazy, right? Miami is known as a party city, right? 1 hour, 50 minutes, 40 secondsThe lifestyle that you had there, you could have probably chased in Miami times 10 easily. I had the Asian cartel said, 1 hour, 50 minutes, 48 seconds"Give me an address. I'll give you 200 packs. Packs meaning pounds. 1 hour, 50 minutes, 54 secondsI mean, bro, it was ready again. The devil was like, "Here you go." And I seen visions of me being in the club having the status here in Miami. You 1 hour, 51 minutes, 2 secondsthink Denver's good? The devil said, "Oh, I got you. All these women out here, all yours, bro. Cuz I know myself. Like, if 1 hour, 51 minutes, 11 secondsI put my efforts and my work into it, like I've always been able to achieve everything that I needed to. But I was 1 hour, 51 minutes, 19 secondsso unfulfilled and so unhappy, bro, that I was just like, "No." Like, I was watching stuff on on Instagram. I just 1 hour, 51 minutes, 27 secondsmade an Instagram after my divorce. I had never had a social media cuz I was married, you know. And I started watching these coaches online. I got the 1 hour, 51 minutes, 36 secondsLambo, they said. I got the yacht, the girls with the big butts. Like, you know, like that's what I've always idolized. And I didn't know the Lord 1 hour, 51 minutes, 43 secondsobviously, and I didn't want to sell drugs. I'm like, I could do that the legal way. Oh, yeah. I'mma do that. I had some money, invested in mentorship. 1 hour, 51 minutes, 52 secondsI got my my habits aligned, bro. you know, I came away from drinking and partying, selling drugs and and 1 hour, 52 minutesdrinking. This November will be 3 years completely sober, bro. Come on, man. Let's go. 1 hour, 52 minutes, 7 secondsFrom from six nights in the club to 3 years sober, I practice in abstinence and celibacy. 1 hour, 52 minutes, 16 secondsUm, I was 2 years celibate and was very solidified and and I fell, but now 1 hour, 52 minutes, 23 secondsgetting back up. I'm a year now abstinent. Amen. 1 hour, 52 minutes, 27 secondsBut then I I plan on being abstinent fully till I'm married. I'm going to honor and glorify our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ with my my marriage and covenant with God. 1 hour, 52 minutes, 36 secondsCome on, bro. Come on. 1 hour, 52 minutes, 38 secondsYeah, bro. Man, I saw you on a podcast cuz I I know I got to get into this because 1 hour, 52 minutes, 47 secondsprogramming, right? You were in when you were locked up and different things, you were programmed a particular way to want 1 hour, 52 minutes, 53 secondsa particular thing. The women and success a particular way. I get it. You were unfulfilled. But how do you get it 1 hour, 53 minutes, 1 secondout your system? The people left Egypt, but it was hard to get Egypt out of them. Yeah, nice looking guy in shape. 1 hour, 53 minutes, 10 secondsI get it. You're celibate and stuff like that, but how how don't you still have the same desires? Why don't you still 1 hour, 53 minutes, 17 secondswant the same thing? why aren't you led by the same masculine drive that kept you back then? 1 hour, 53 minutes, 26 secondsThat's a good question, bro. cuz that's literally why I'm so passionate about what I do every day because I I know how Chapter 48: The power of the Bible 1 hour, 53 minutes, 36 secondsinchained and enslaved to the devil I was and I kept going back for more and it never produced anything different for 1 hour, 53 minutes, 43 secondsme. But it's because I encountered the love of the Holy Spirit. Bro, there was one thing that I had not done 1 hour, 53 minutes, 52 secondsbefore and it was something that I had received in prison, but I never picked up. And 1 hour, 54 minutesI'm a I'm a prison mentality person at this point. Still, I I really do have a lot of habits that I just adapted from 1 hour, 54 minutes, 8 secondsthere. I roll my shirts up. I throw all the clutter away. Like, it's clean in my house. I don't own books. I don't own 1 hour, 54 minutes, 16 secondsnothing that I'm not using. If I'm not using it, I'll buy it later. I don't have room for it. Especially in Miami because it's you. I got nothing. No room. 1 hour, 54 minutes, 24 secondsYes. 1 hour, 54 minutes, 25 secondsBut I kept the Bible because for some reason I felt like one day I might pick it up 1 hour, 54 minutes, 32 secondsand the and the Lord showed me that that picture of that black Bible and I knew there was one thing I didn't try. And 1 hour, 54 minutes, 40 secondsbro, I'm a disciplined person. And even like when I go to if I'm working, if I'm selling drugs or whatever, like I'm on time, I'm punctual, like I'm a 1 hour, 54 minutes, 48 secondsdisciplined person. So I'm like, you know what? 1 hour, 54 minutes, 51 secondsI've worked and done things for the wrong team my entire life. Come on, man. 1 hour, 54 minutes, 56 secondsSo I'm going to wake up, come on, in my morning routine at 4:00 a. m. every day like I'm doing and working out and eating right and and reading self-help 1 hour, 55 minutes, 4 secondsbooks and I'm going to put the Bible first. I'm gonna see what what God will do with my life because I have nothing else to do. I was at my wit's end, bro. 1 hour, 55 minutes, 15 secondsSo, I picked up my Bible and I started journaling and he started supernaturally convicting me, supernaturally taking the 1 hour, 55 minutes, 24 secondsurge and desire to sin from drinking. having women like a roster of of women 1 hour, 55 minutes, 33 secondsthat would give me the comfort and the the worthiness. I felt like if I wasn't talking to multiple women, I wasn't worthy. And the minute that I didn't 1 hour, 55 minutes, 42 secondshave a woman next to me, I felt like I was nothing. 1 hour, 55 minutes, 45 secondsSo, I was filling a void that the Lord then filled. 1 hour, 55 minutes, 50 secondsSo, now you're trying to tell me that without a roster, you're still able to have this sense of worthiness. 1 hour, 55 minutes, 57 secondsAbsolutely. And on on another level, 100%. In the last three years, I've dated three Christian 1 hour, 56 minutes, 5 secondswomen and I was fully obedient to Christ in those relationships. The first one, we didn't even kiss 1 hour, 56 minutes, 13 secondsand we end up going our separate ways and we figured that it's not we're not that's not what the Lord wants. The 1 hour, 56 minutes, 21 secondssecond one didn't have sex. we end up kissing and and it just kind of mess up the relationship. And I talk a lot about that on my platform just to spread the 1 hour, 56 minutes, 30 secondsword of like we're not made to have sex and to have comfort with one another. Chapter 49: God's design for sex 1 hour, 56 minutes, 38 secondsThat's a bonus of us being created in this world. We're made it for purpose. 1 hour, 56 minutes, 47 secondsYou thought I I'm I'mma tell you what you what you're saying that I just taught. I said that the pleasure that we 1 hour, 56 minutes, 54 secondsget from sex is the reward of obedience to God's purpose for sex byproduct. 1 hour, 57 minutesSo the byproduct so when we chase when we chase the pleasure of sex 1 hour, 57 minutes, 7 secondsand circumn or avoid the the obedience to the purpose of marriage and sex, then we're thieves because we're you know 1 hour, 57 minutes, 15 secondsthieves take stuff that doesn't that they weren't authorized to take. So if you are not in the context of a man or 1 hour, 57 minutes, 24 secondswoman under God in marriage and you're chasing or even achieving the pleasure of sex then you're a thief because it's 1 hour, 57 minutes, 30 secondsreserved or preserved for those who it's authorized for. So you know we're talking about masturbation which is big part of my testimony pornography. All of 1 hour, 57 minutes, 38 secondsthese are ways to cheat the system to access something that was not designed or preserved for a particular context. 1 hour, 57 minutes, 47 secondsSo what you said is huge, bro. That's huge, man. 1 hour, 57 minutes, 50 secondsYeah. Yeah. you know, we belong to God. Come on, man. We were purchased at a price. 1 hour, 57 minutes, 58 secondsOur life does not belong to us. Come on, man. 1 hour, 58 minutes, 1 secondAnd you know, in 2 Timothy 1:9, it says that we were called for a holy life to 1 hour, 58 minutes, 9 secondsbe set apart for the purpose that God put in us since before the heavens and 1 hour, 58 minutes, 15 secondsearth were created. So, we're over here settling for this relationship, for this sex, for this comfort because we're 1 hour, 58 minutes, 23 secondsafraid to be alone when we're not allowing the Lord's 1 hour, 58 minutes, 29 secondsblessings to take true fruit and root in our lives because our partner are is 1 hour, 58 minutes, 37 secondsgoing to meet us when we align ourselves with God's perfect design. 1 hour, 58 minutes, 43 secondsWhen we're fulfilling our purpose with him, come on, man. Whoever is is in that purpose, Matthew 6:33, right? First seek 1 hour, 58 minutes, 50 secondsthe kingdom of God and all his righteousness and all these things will be added on to you. 1 hour, 58 minutes, 56 secondsYou're going up. You're going to meet that kingdom partner on the way up. 1 hour, 58 minutes, 59 secondsOn the way up. And guess what they're going to do? They're going to multiply your purpose. 1 hour, 59 minutes, 3 secondsAnd that's real lively purpose like life. 1 hour, 59 minutes, 8 secondsBut a man would just look at you and say, "Okay, I hear you. You talking good. You're talking nice. But you telling me like you walking on the street like we're you're in Miami. Like 1 hour, 59 minutes, 17 secondsdon't it still look good? Don't you still want it? Like stop acting like you're a robot? Don't you still have 1 hour, 59 minutes, 24 secondsreal needs, real wants? Or like like how could you just turn shut it off in your brain? Like what what how can I be a Chapter 50: Overcoming temptation 1 hour, 59 minutes, 32 secondsperson that exists in a space like this and I have real lust, real temptations? 1 hour, 59 minutes, 36 secondsLike does it shut off? Did you turn it off? Now you don't you're not attracted to women. Like what's going on? 1 hour, 59 minutes, 41 secondsRight. Right. And I think the first thing that we have to understand is that we have a sinful nature that without 1 hour, 59 minutes, 48 secondsJesus we're filthy rags. In fact, our own righteousness, meaning that us trying to be mach, you know what, I'm 1 hour, 59 minutes, 55 secondsgoing to be a celibate man and I'm I'm more disciplined and I'm going to I'm not going to have sex with women is just as bad as you know, falling 2 hours, 4 secondsinto into sin with with a woman because you you're finding yourself righteous when you're not crediting it to God for the true reason. M m. 2 hours, 15 secondsSo when you credit it to God for the real reason, it's then the Holy Spirit that fills you with love that you no longer desire a marriage out of 2 hours, 25 secondscovenant, sex, sexual immorality out of covenant. 2 hours, 30 secondsSo you have to understand that we were all created for God's perfect design and purpose. 2 hours, 35 secondsAnd that's why Jesus said, "If you even so look at a woman with lust in your eye, it is adultery." Because guess who she belongs to? Come on, man. 2 hours, 43 secondsShe belongs to God and she belongs to another man. So, you're looking at another wife, another man's wife. and 2 hours, 53 secondsyour wife would be how how would your how is your wife going to know that you done all this work? You prepared to 2 hours, 1 minute, 1 secondsteward this woman correctly, but you're over here giving all these other this this energy and this this this 2 hours, 1 minute, 11 secondslust to these women. Like you're degrading and defiling your own wife before she's even in your life. So, what makes you think that God would bless you with something? 2 hours, 1 minute, 23 secondsHis daughter. 2 hours, 1 minute, 24 secondsHis daughter that you obviously aren't ready for. 2 hours, 1 minute, 29 seconds[laughter] 2 hours, 1 minute, 30 secondsSome people are like, "Oh, I'm ready. I need this and I this and that." It's like, you need it. Or are you ready 2 hours, 1 minute, 37 secondsbecause the Lord is ready for you to walk in your purpose? 2 hours, 1 minute, 45 secondsWe align oursel with God's design. So, you know, I help a lot of men and women both cuz, you know, women struggle with it under under wraps, too. -oh. 2 hours, 1 minute, 54 secondsThey struggle a lot with with lust and, you know, those things as well because women want to be loved as well. Come on. 2 hours, 2 minutes, 1 secondYou know, but the only way that we overcome sin is by the power and love of Chapter 51: True satisfaction 2 hours, 2 minutes, 9 secondsthe Holy Spirit. And and Jesus said it the best. For whoever wants to be a follower of me must deny theirelves daily. 2 hours, 2 minutes, 19 secondsOh my goodness. Pick up their cross and follow me. 2 hours, 2 minutes, 24 secondsI gota I got to add to that because it's not the fact that we're not men and we don't have real, you know, desires or 2 hours, 2 minutes, 33 secondsanything like that, but you know, when Jesus was tempted by Satan and and on the after being after he left out of 2 hours, 2 minutes, 41 secondsthe wilderness, he was like man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceeds from the mouth of God. Meaning that Jesus was living by a 2 hours, 2 minutes, 48 secondsdifferent bread. And I think just looking at your life, you recognize, man, yes, lust was a fruit of the tree of a 2 hours, 2 minutes, 58 secondsbigger issue. Like it was a deep rooted issue. There was something that you needed that you did not get. There was a worthiness that you desired to have. And 2 hours, 3 minutes, 6 secondslust came as the crutch you used to kind of walk you through something that you didn't have the ability to walk through. 2 hours, 3 minutes, 14 secondsAnd so like when Jesus says like there's something else that's feeding me. I think you know I'm I'm I'm with you. 2 hours, 3 minutes, 20 secondsAnd I just feel like some you have a great you're I always say temptation is more difficult for a man that's full. 2 hours, 3 minutes, 30 secondsYou can't tempt a satisfied man as easily as a man who's longing. I just need I need affection. I need 2 hours, 3 minutes, 40 secondsworthiness. I need somebody to know my name. But if you really spend time with God, he begins to fill you in the areas that you're wounded, that you have a 2 hours, 3 minutes, 47 secondsvoid. And so I think so working with men and women, even though there might be different reasons why they find themselves like that, at the end of the 2 hours, 3 minutes, 56 secondsday, we all are longing for something that's more than just just the sex. For me, I realized, man, it was like lack of 2 hours, 4 minutes, 4 secondsaccomplishment, idleness, and different things that that push me and rejection that pushed me into the arms of porn. I 2 hours, 4 minutes, 11 secondsthought I was just an extreme heathen. I thought I was just an extreme addict. 2 hours, 4 minutes, 16 secondsBut it was deeper. Like the enemy paired it with some emotional stuff in me. Yeah. 2 hours, 4 minutes, 20 secondsAnd so like what you're sharing is super deep. You cuz you said Yeah. women struggle with lust too cuz you said because everybody wants to be loved. 2 hours, 4 minutes, 29 secondsNobody puts those things together. 2 hours, 4 minutes, 31 secondsYou think it's just a biological lust, lust, lust. Yes, it's that. But the enemy likes to pair it with something with the void, with the brokenness, man. Chapter 52: Looking for real love 2 hours, 4 minutes, 41 secondsRight? Because women think that if they dress a certain way that they'll get a man's approval and then their worthiness 2 hours, 4 minutes, 48 secondsgoes up. But then they get these men lusting after them and then coming after 2 hours, 4 minutes, 56 secondsthem, providing material items for them, essentially paying for love. 2 hours, 5 minutes, 5 secondsAnd then they're upset that, you know, it's hard for them to find a man that doesn't lust. But then the way that they 2 hours, 5 minutes, 14 secondsattracted the man was lust. Oh my goodness. 2 hours, 5 minutes, 21 secondsAnd then these men are upset with these women because of their lifestyle 2 hours, 5 minutes, 28 secondschoices, but then they don't look at the way that they're attracting these women with their money or with their body. 2 hours, 5 minutes, 39 secondsSo we cannot judge a brother or a sister with a speck in our eye. 2 hours, 5 minutes, 44 secondsAnd that's all the conviction from the Holy Spirit. And it's so great that you know the only way that you'll break through is by denying yourself. 2 hours, 5 minutes, 54 secondsCome on. 2 hours, 5 minutes, 55 secondsWhen you deny yourself, there's a massive piece of revelation that the Holy Spirit will un unveil like a treasure. 2 hours, 6 minutes, 3 secondsYeah. 2 hours, 6 minutes, 3 secondsIt's actually far worth any worldly treasure. Like when Jesus says the kingdom of God is like the man who finds the treasure, he uncovers it. He 2 hours, 6 minutes, 12 secondsfinds it, goes and buries it back and goes back to the town and sells everything he owns and comes back for that piece of treasure 2 hours, 6 minutes, 20 secondsbecause it's far worth any worldly treasure. You understand, wa wow, I didn't even need any of this in the first place. Like the Holy Spirit is 2 hours, 6 minutes, 28 secondsgood. And the things that he's breaking me from is he doesn't stop being good. 2 hours, 6 minutes, 33 secondsBut it's the lie that we fall for is that that's all he has left for us. 2 hours, 6 minutes, 38 secondsThat he's he's done giving me. So, I'm going to stop denying myself. I'm going to go back to my vomit. 2 hours, 6 minutes, 44 secondsOh, that originally made me sick in the first place. 2 hours, 6 minutes, 47 secondsCome on, man. Come on, man. So, who do you who I I'm not going to ask where. 2 hours, 6 minutes, 52 secondsI'm going to ask who do you believe is your mission field right now? 2 hours, 6 minutes, 57 secondsMy mission field right now is to use my platform as my altar and showcase my 2 hours, 7 minutes, 5 secondsobedience and love for the Lord to change people's mindsets from worldly mindsets. 2 hours, 7 minutes, 13 secondsCome on, man. 2 hours, 7 minutes, 14 secondsTo kingdom mindsets. The Lord has given me a lot of wisdom how to show people they can follow biblical principles that Chapter 53: The mission field 2 hours, 7 minutes, 24 secondsit's not impossible. that in fact it is possible to walk in the light as he is in the light. If it wasn't possible, it wouldn't be in the scripture. 2 hours, 7 minutes, 33 secondsCome on, man. And it's the way that we deny ourselves. 2 hours, 7 minutes, 35 secondsWe pick up our cross daily. We follow him. And it he doesn't stop getting good. And the people in my life are like night and day. No one talks about 2 hours, 7 minutes, 43 secondsdrinking or partying or even women. Like it's such a large limiting belief of people in the world. Like women tell me 2 hours, 7 minutes, 50 secondsthat I'm coaching. They're like, "I just there's no man of God and everyone's the same." I'm like, "Well, where are you looking?" Cuz I go to a church. I go serve every Sunday morning at 5:30 a.m. 2 hours, 8 minutes, 1 second6:00 and there's about 15 men who are practicing abstinence that are celibate. 2 hours, 8 minutes, 8 secondsNow, like, are you going to the churches in the morning to serve? Are you serving on the welcome teams? Are you going on 2 hours, 8 minutes, 15 secondsmission trips? Or where are you looking for these men? Well, one was a dating app, one was, you know, at the gym. You know what the Lord has showed me? 2 hours, 8 minutes, 25 secondsEqually yolked means much more than just, hey, God first, equally yolked is to the level of your maturity. Oo. 2 hours, 8 minutes, 36 secondsIf you're desiring, like it says in Matthew 5:6, blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled. So, if you're 2 hours, 8 minutes, 45 secondshungry and thirsting for righteousness and you get someone that's not equally to that measure, well, guess what they're going to do? They're going to 2 hours, 8 minutes, 52 secondssuck you of all your spirit and you're going to be left dry. Come on, man. 2 hours, 8 minutes, 56 secondsBut if you have a man that's leading you or a woman that's like submitted to you in your walk and you're hungering and 2 hours, 9 minutes, 3 secondsthirsting, guess what? You'll always be filled. So, you can't get with someone that's not on the same level of your maturity. Like, it just does not work. 2 hours, 9 minutes, 11 secondsLike when you're working up to God in your purpose, in alignment and denying yourself, fleshly desires of the alcohol, the idolatry, and all the 2 hours, 9 minutes, 20 secondsthings that we struggle with, bitterness, unforgiveness, walking in daily repentance, you are going to walk in purpose. Oh my god. 2 hours, 9 minutes, 27 secondsYou will fall in love with that purpose so great that nothing else will matter. 2 hours, 9 minutes, 33 secondsCome on, man. That's why Paul went to the point of being martyed and and and stoned and he still went to preach the 2 hours, 9 minutes, 41 secondsgospel with joy in his heart because he encountered the Holy Spirit and purpose and nothing else mattered and he spread 2 hours, 9 minutes, 49 secondsthe truth. And that's what that's what this life is all about for us is, you know, we use our platforms as our altar and we help change people's perspective 2 hours, 9 minutes, 58 secondsbecause you will meet that person in alignment with exactly where you're going, the purpose that God put in all of us since the beginning of time. And Chapter 54: God's goodness 2 hours, 10 minutes, 6 secondswe're over here settling for the crumbs that the enemy has cuz he's the prince of this world. And he knows he works through your emotions and your appetites. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. 2 hours, 10 minutes, 18 secondsWow. Wow. Wow. 2 hours, 10 minutes, 20 secondsI got chills as you were talking, man. I got chills as you were talking. And I know that everybody that that's listening right 2 hours, 10 minutes, 29 secondsnow, especially those we get obsessed and we make idols out of relationships, idols out of all these things. How about you, I don't want to 2 hours, 10 minutes, 37 secondssay obsess over, obsess over what God is calling you to do. 2 hours, 10 minutes, 41 secondsBecause you said, "Seek ye first the kingdom and his righteousness." And don't worry about everything else. 2 hours, 10 minutes, 47 secondsWhy don't we have to worry about anything else? Because in that passage, it shows how God is already worried about the birds. He says there's no 2 hours, 10 minutes, 55 secondsthere's the look at the liies of the the flowers. Look at the birds. I take care of all things all these things. I'm a good father. So if you 2 hours, 11 minutes, 3 secondscare about what the father cares about, the father is already caring about your needs. So I love that perspective. I 2 hours, 11 minutes, 11 secondslove that shift in mindset. And [snorts] basically what you're doing is deprogramming this culture. 2 hours, 11 minutes, 17 secondsAmen, bro. This culture is onetrack-minded. We only see it one way. 2 hours, 11 minutes, 21 secondsAnd you know what I really love about you? I love that just looking at you, like first of all, just looking at you, people would just think, "Oh, no, he 2 hours, 11 minutes, 29 secondsmight be shallow." But you have so much depth. But now hearing your story and seeing why you do what you do is 2 hours, 11 minutes, 37 secondsjust a greater reverence for God. And just you know how they sing the song like there's no there's no shadow he won't 2 hours, 11 minutes, 46 secondslight light up no darkness he won't climb. Whatever that song is. It's like that's your story. Yeah, bro. 2 hours, 11 minutes, 52 secondsYour story is while you were yet in your sin. 2 hours, 11 minutes, 55 secondsChrist loved you. He guided you. He protected you. He preserved you. And he didn't just do it just so you could be 2 hours, 12 minutes, 1 secondfree. He did it because he had in mind what you're doing right now. Right. 2 hours, 12 minutes, 7 secondsWhere your heart is right now. Like that. To me, it just blows my mind. 2 hours, 12 minutes, 12 secondsWhile you were while you were in that trunk, God had this moment in mind. Why? 2 hours, 12 minutes, 18 secondsBecause he knew your daughter would need this version of you. Yes, bro. 2 hours, 12 minutes, 21 secondsHe knew that your son would need this version of you. He knew the person that's on the other side of the screen would need to to know that even if I 2 hours, 12 minutes, 29 secondsdidn't have my father, even if I didn't have my mother, that I can find worthiness again after losing my worth 2 hours, 12 minutes, 37 secondstime and time again. I want you I know we running out of time. I got to have you back. 2 hours, 12 minutes, 42 secondsYou know, I would love for you to pray for for those that are watching. Yeah. 2 hours, 12 minutes, 46 secondsI think what you shared it brought a lot of hope. I mean the the toxic relationship part if it was with a parent, if it was with 2 hours, 12 minutes, 54 secondsparents, if it was siblings, people have been gone through abuse, all this stuff, everything is in your your story includes everything, right? 2 hours, 13 minutes, 2 secondsSome people have given up hope. I mean, the fact that God basically redeem your 2 hours, 13 minutes, 9 secondshope and he did it without you having all the things that you had in the past, the flashiness, all the stuff that you 2 hours, 13 minutes, 16 secondswere boasting of. You said, "God, take it away." Yeah. 2 hours, 13 minutes, 19 secondsAnd he's given you something now that you would never exchange for anything. So I I pray I I I want your Chapter 55: A prayer for hope 2 hours, 13 minutes, 26 secondsprayer to just be a prayer that just brings the hope alive for those who have given up, who have quit, who've have 2 hours, 13 minutes, 33 secondswalked through abuse, who said, you know, there are no men. There are no good men. There are no good people there. I can't love again. All of these 2 hours, 13 minutes, 41 secondspeople are watching. If you could pray for those people. Absolutely, bro. I'll be honored, too. I'd be honored. 2 hours, 13 minutes, 48 secondsHeavenly Father, we come before you today, Lord God. And I just thank you so much, Lord Jesus, for every single trial 2 hours, 13 minutes, 54 secondsand every single tribulation, Lord God, for you know, you in your scripture, you say that all things work for the greater good of those who love you. And I see, 2 hours, 14 minutes, 4 secondsFather God, through all the trials and tribulations that when when I came to you and and you were such a patient father, Lord God, Jesus, that you turned all those things around 2 hours, 14 minutes, 12 secondsfor the greater good, Lord God, because now I love you. Now I know what it is to keep your commands, Lord God. Now I know what it is that that I know what love is. 2 hours, 14 minutes, 22 secondsI always [clears throat] seek love in the world, Father God, and just left me unfulfilled. And first John 4:7, you say that you are love. And that if we do not 2 hours, 14 minutes, 30 secondsknow you, we do not know love. So I'm asking right now in the mighty name of Jesus that you touch someone's heart through my testimony, through your testimony, Lord God. 2 hours, 14 minutes, 38 secondsYour testimony, my story, your glory. Thank you. 2 hours, 14 minutes, 41 secondsThat they can see, Father God, that you have so much in store for us, Father God. Jesus that that we might not see no hope but all we have to do is just touch up and grab your hand. 2 hours, 14 minutes, 51 secondsWe thank you Lord Jesus in the mighty name Lord God that you come alive in the hearts today at the sound of my voice Lord Jesus. We just pray Lord God as you 2 hours, 14 minutes, 59 secondssay in your scriptures that we leave the 99 for the one that I pray Lord God that these people seek out help. They seek out disciplehip. They can seek out a church father God that's rooted in in truth. 2 hours, 15 minutes, 10 secondsthat they can get in their Bibles, in their alone time, in their prayer closet, Lord God, to get intimate with you and submit their weaknesses and live 2 hours, 15 minutes, 17 secondsin active repentance. Even though, Lord God, you say in the scripture that for the things that we do not want to do, we keep on doing. For it is the sin in us 2 hours, 15 minutes, 26 secondsthat does it. So, I'm asking Lord God that somebody just feels pulled apart from their sin. 2 hours, 15 minutes, 30 secondsThank you. that the word is alive and active because the spirit from soul that you can divide the deception Lord God from them and and separate themselves 2 hours, 15 minutes, 39 secondsthat they can live an act of repentance father God and know that that you give them strength to overcome it. Thank you Jesus. 2 hours, 15 minutes, 44 secondsIn the mighty name of the Holy Spirit we pray over every single person in this entire world they can find you cuz we know one day we'll be here. 2 hours, 15 minutes, 53 secondsThank you. 2 hours, 15 minutes, 54 secondsAnd that you have come to save the world but not judge them. But there will be a day that you judge them, Father God. and we thank you so much for what you're doing. In Jesus mighty name we pray. 2 hours, 16 minutes, 4 secondsAmen. 2 hours, 16 minutes, 4 secondsAmen. My brother, I want you to let us know what you have going. You told me that you're working with men and you're working with women. You're doing 2 hours, 16 minutes, 12 secondsmissions trips. We want to know how to kind of keep up with you, stay in touch with what you're doing, man. 2 hours, 16 minutes, 18 secondsAbsolutely, bro. it's been 3 years following the Lord. Radical encounter, you know, become a follower. I really 2 hours, 16 minutes, 24 secondswant to been praying about being a an apostle like Paul. He gave me that and highlighted that word. I don't want anything unless it comes from him. 2 hours, 16 minutes, 33 secondsThis ministry, it started just as a Bible study on my story, but now I've truly walking out. It's called Walking in Love. Chapter 56: Walking in love 2 hours, 16 minutes, 41 secondsOkay. 2 hours, 16 minutes, 41 secondsAnd we've got 250 members. we have three Bible studies. We have a women's group, a men's group, a co-ed group. about to meet for the fifth time and 2 hours, 16 minutes, 50 secondsgo to Guatemala. We're going to an orphanage. 2 hours, 16 minutes, 53 secondsAnd the way that the Lord is moving through this community, bro. [laughter] Bro, let's go. Yeah. 2 hours, 17 minutesYou've you've been walking with the Lord every 3 years. Yeah, bro. Look at God, bro. 2 hours, 17 minutes, 5 secondsBro, look at God. 2 hours, 17 minutes, 6 secondsExpedited, man. Yeah. Straight up. But not just for no reason, but because people need Yeah. 2 hours, 17 minutes, 13 secondsPeople need a a community, right? 2 hours, 17 minutes, 16 secondsSo, can people tap in with you? Can Yeah. So, also do I I do life coaching. Okay. 2 hours, 17 minutes, 22 secondsUm I mentor people. I coach them on how to overcome habits and relationships that have been detrimental to their life. 2 hours, 17 minutes, 29 secondsUm, [snorts and clears throat] and I just changed their perspective on how to live a biblical life that it's not so hard. I help them overcome roadblocks, limiting beliefs, 2 hours, 17 minutes, 37 secondsself-doubt, worry, anxiety, all those things and help them truly heal in the Holy Spirit. Come on, man. 2 hours, 17 minutes, 42 secondsAnd providing the community of people that are all doing it themselves. So, I have, Instagram, Buddy Brand 2 hours, 17 minutes, 49 secondsFitness. we also have YouTube, Buddy Brand Fitness, as well. I have a podcast, Faith Through the Fire. We're just the Lord opening doors 2 hours, 17 minutes, 57 secondssupernaturally as of like a couple weeks ago. Got some huge influencers on there that are preaching the gospel. Let's go. 2 hours, 18 minutes, 4 secondsAnd and yeah, just my website as well is on the Instagram, but yeah, I'd love for people to reach out for mentorship, for guidance, for community. 2 hours, 18 minutes, 13 secondsThe Bible studies are free, so pull up. 2 hours, 18 minutes, 16 secondsIt's on Zoom. So, the Lord's moving, bro. 2 hours, 18 minutes, 18 secondsI'm proud of you, man. I just want to say that I mean I I don't know if it means much but I No, bro. Bro, it's beautiful because like I this this this friend of mine 2 hours, 18 minutes, 28 secondshad sent me one of your podcasts and I was watching it. I was like, "Wow, this is this is really really good." Like I I hope one day that the Lord opens the 2 hours, 18 minutes, 36 secondsdoor like this for me to share my testimony. Ain't no way. 2 hours, 18 minutes, 39 secondsI swear, bro. [laughter] Yeah. And then you reached out to me. 2 hours, 18 minutes, 42 secondsThat's so crazy. And like I said, I had seen you here and there, but there was some things that you said I was like, "Oh, no. Dude, he's for real. For real. 2 hours, 18 minutes, 50 secondsSo, I I'm so grateful, man. We locked in. 2 hours, 18 minutes, 52 secondsAnd your story, dude. I got to say, if they don't make a movie [laughter] about Buddy, I'm going to be mad. That is crazy, 2 hours, 19 minutesbro. It's just getting started, bro. We just in year three, bro. The Lord's about to do it. Says no eye has seen, no ear has heard, no human mind can Chapter 57: Gratitude and future plans 2 hours, 19 minutes, 7 secondsconceive with the plans the good Lord has in store for us. 2 hours, 19 minutes, 11 secondsLet's go, bro. Bro, I'm in I'm I'm in so much like belief, bro, that the Lord is about to supernaturally bless so many 2 hours, 19 minutes, 18 secondspeople through me. And it's not for my glory, it's for his. And I don't even want nothing, bro. Like, I'm in a small apartment in Miami. I I like sold my car. Everything's within a 3minute walk. 2 hours, 19 minutes, 30 secondsAnd I've never been happier, bro. 2 hours, 19 minutes, 31 secondsCome on. Don't make me cry out here, man. Full purpose, bro. Let's go, bro. Love purpose, bro. 2 hours, 19 minutes, 37 secondsI love it, man. And I I love you, man. I love what you're doing. I pray that God keeps you, man. I pray that God keeps you, man. Your wife going to be blessed. 2 hours, 19 minutes, 44 secondsYou're going to be like, "You done went through too much, man. She going she going to get all the good. Like, you learned all the lessons, man. She she's going to be blessed, man. Your children 2 hours, 19 minutes, 53 secondsare blessed. The ministry that God has put in your hands is blessed. and I I just pray for just increase, man. I 2 hours, 20 minutes, 2 secondsI pray that God increases. There are certain people that have huge flocks, huge followings and they don't steward 2 hours, 20 minutes, 10 secondsit well because they don't know the cost of a soul. They don't know the cost or the value of of what it means to have people walking with you. But I believe 2 hours, 20 minutes, 18 secondsyou do. And so I just pray that God increases you. I pray that God increases you in humility as you walk and lead. 2 hours, 20 minutes, 24 secondsMan, I think God has great stuff in store for you. 2 hours, 20 minutes, 26 secondsAmen. I receive all that, brother. And I know that this is a relationship that's going to be for eternity, bro. I believe we're going to be here. We're going to fulfill the purpose through 2 hours, 20 minutes, 34 secondseach other and we will be in heaven in the mighty name of Jesus, bro. Jesus name. Amen. Amen, bro. 2 hours, 20 minutes, 41 secondsNow, you might be asking, what is the gospel? The gospel is very simple. That you are a sinner and that you are on your way to hell [music] 2 hours, 20 minutes, 48 secondswithout a shadow of a doubt. You were born in sin and the wrath of God abides on you and you do not deserve to go 2 hours, 20 minutes, 56 secondsthere by way of your sin. But while you [music] were still a sinner, God sent 2 hours, 21 minutes, 4 secondshis son Jesus, who loved you and [music] died for you as your substitutionary sacrifice, which 2 hours, 21 minutes, 13 secondsmeans he died in your place so that you could live his [music] life, which means he died for your sin. He was buried and 2 hours, 21 minutes, 21 seconds3 days later he resurrected from the dead. And if you would confess with your mouth the [music] Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you shall be saved. [music] 2 hours, 21 minutes, 30 secondsThat's out that's out here. No, no. I'm talking about the real Jesus of the Bible, the eternal son of God that became a man. God manifested [music] in 2 hours, 21 minutes, 39 secondsthe flesh that became a man and in 33 years he died on the cross providing 2 hours, 21 minutes, 45 secondsredemption, buying us back, translating us out of the kingdom of darkness into the kingdom of his dear son. which means 2 hours, 21 minutes, 53 secondshe redeemed us back to God. He reconciled you back to God by way of his death on [music] the cross. And so 2 hours, 22 minutesyou're probably saying, "How can I be saved?" Very simple. All you have to do is [music] repent of your sin. I'm not talking about 360. Talking about 180. 2 hours, 22 minutes, 11 secondsYou turn. You turn from your sin. You believe [music] in the gospel exclusively. Just Jesus. I'm not talking about Jesus and Mary. 2 hours, 22 minutes, 21 seconds[music] 2 hours, 22 minutes, 21 secondsI'm not talking about Jesus and Buddha. 2 hours, 22 minutes, 23 secondsI'm not talking about Jesus and some other centralized figure. And I'm not even talking about Jesus and your spiritual father and destiny and all of that. No, no, no. There's only one way 2 hours, 22 minutes, 31 secondsto heaven. Jesus [music] said, "I am the way. I am the truth. I am the life. And nobody comes unto the father except through me." Jesus is exclusively the 2 hours, 22 minutes, 39 secondsonly way. You want to know why he's the only way? [music] Because he's not only the only way. He is the door to enter in. And the only way you could get in is 2 hours, 22 minutes, 47 secondsby way of repentance. You must repent and become born again. Why? Cuz only sons and daughters can become citizens 2 hours, 22 minutes, 55 secondsin the kingdom. Outsiders can't [music] come in. But Jesus died on that cross and he made the way open for you. And if 2 hours, 23 minutes, 4 secondsyou confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God [music] raised him from the dead, you shall be saved. I'm not talking about all this other stuff to get saved. No, 2 hours, 23 minutes, 12 secondsno, no. Just believe. Believe in [music] him. the efficacy of Christ's work on the cross as the substitutionary 2 hours, 23 minutes, 20 secondssacrifice [music] in exchange for your sin which means you give up your sin you give it to him he 2 hours, 23 minutes, 28 secondsexchanges it and takes on your sin but he gives you his righteousness and then you are righteous and justified by faith 2 hours, 23 minutes, 36 secondsin Jesus and when you have justification because of Jesus now you have [music] peace with God you have peace with God 2 hours, 23 minutes, 44 secondsand watch this and now he will no longer longer be just your [music] God. He is now your heavenly father through the 2 hours, 23 minutes, 51 secondsperson of his son Jesus. Why don't you pray that prayer right now? Just repeat after me. Say, "Lord, I believe that I am [music] a sinner and that I deserve Chapter 58: The gospel message 2 hours, 23 minutes, 58 secondsto go to hell, but God, you sent your son." Go ahead. Those of you that are watching, repeat what I'm saying. Say, [music] "God, you sent your son, Jesus 2 hours, 24 minutes, 8 secondsChrist, to die for my sin. He was buried. 3 days later, he resurrected [music] from the dead. 2 hours, 24 minutes, 16 secondsI now confess you, Lord Jesus, as my Lord, as my savior. [music] Come into my 2 hours, 24 minutes, 23 secondsheart. Come into my life and wash me from my sin. 2 hours, 24 minutes, 28 secondsAnd now say [music] this. Say, "Holy Spirit, I surrender my life to you. Make me born again 2 hours, 24 minutes, 37 secondsin Jesus mighty name." My friend, if you said that prayer, [music] whichever way you said that prayer, as 2 hours, 24 minutes, 45 secondslong as you believe and confess [music] with your mouth, Jesus is Lord and that he died on the cross for you and 3 days later he resurrected and you repented 2 hours, 24 minutes, 53 secondsand believe that message, the Bible says, "Whoever calls on the name of the Lord shall be saved." [music] You are saved, my friend. Here's what I want you to do. There's going to be an email 2 hours, 25 minutes, 1 secondthat's going to be put on the video right here. And I want you to write I want you to [music] write this channel and tell them that you accepted Christ 2 hours, 25 minutes, 9 secondsas your savior. and brother Ezekiel and this the administrative staff of this channel will help you find a local church in your area that [music] will 2 hours, 25 minutes, 16 secondspoint you in the right direction. But we need to hear from you say man of God and that broadcast I know you guys are talking about demons and devils but I 2 hours, 25 minutes, 23 secondsended up getting saved and I ended up renouncing all other gods. 2 hours, 25 minutes, 28 secondsYeah, which means you got to renounce [music] all other gods and believe exclusively on the son of God. And welcome to the family of God.

From Prison and Gang Life to Faith in Christ

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