Chapter 1: Born a Brahmin: Life in a High-Caste Hindu Family
A dreadful voice speaks to me. I'd never heard this voice my whole life. But all of a sudden, I hear a voice. It thundered in my soul. And this voice said to me, "I could take you right now. What would you do if I came for you? I am death. What would you do?" You grew up in a Hindu family and you you were the top of the cast system, the Brahmans. Tell me a little bit about what life was like growing up.
Yeah. I was born in Catmandu Paul into a very religious household. My father was very devoted to his faith. You know I recall as being as young as five seeing my father wake up at 4 in the morning and go up to his temple in the house and pray and sing for hours on. He was very passionate. He was devoted and he loved it. It appeared to me that he loved what he believed and loved what he did. So my exposure to Hinduism was just household gods.
We had ton of household gods. We favored two over the rest. There was the monkey god called Hanuman and there was the elephant god that we really favored o over all the gods. And these were our go-tos. My mom especially favored the elephant god. And we were raised in a high cast system. I come from a brahman. That's like the topmost like priestly line. So we were raised to believe that every other people groups didn't matter.
We were it. So everybody was pretty much under us. We were it. We were at the very, you know, pinnacle of everything. So I was raised to really look down on people, any people, not just a low cast, but just anyone. Wow. So as a child, I lacked love and understanding and just genuine courtesy towards people. Wow. And you actually found some of those idols rather terrifying, not comforting, per se, and you didn't think they were working.
So, tell me a little bit more about that. Yes, these idols, although I deep down believe that my father really believed in them, I personally didn't believe in them because they were terrifying to look at. You know, you had some of these goddesses with their tongues sticking out, their eyes wide open, and I would just sit there thinking, how can one pray to such a terrifying deity? This looks like a pretty good picture of what death would look like. Wow.
So, I never believed in them, nor did I want to believe in them. You know, my father would take me to a temple on a weekly basis to a local Hindu temple where they conducted a lot of animal sacrifices. And I was terrified to go there because I would encounter these priests and people just so passionately crying out to these gods. Now, I felt sorry for the people because they were there for their needs. They were genuinely wanting to be heard by their gods.
But deep down as a child I believe that these gods didn't have the answers. And you actually were able to witness some of the priestly activities around Hinduism because of your cast and you saw some pretty disturbing things. We did on an annual basis our cast system rather our family they conducted this animal sacrifice event. It was in this particular jungle where we all gathered every year. The dwades gathered.
Only the duades, no one else. Only the dwades gathered. And we erected this huge white tent. Only the men were allowed to go inside the tent. Ladies, no go. They were all outside. Ladies and children were prohibited from going inside this tent. But however, the fathers would every once in a while allow their sons to go in with them because they wanted their sons to take after their footsteps. It was my turn.
I was ter I was terrified to go in because I had a pretty good idea of what I would see in there. So, I believe I was eight at this point. I went inside this tent and I saw a lot of household gods and goddesses made out of silver and gold and they were being worshiped and on one particular event we brought this goat with us. I had a pretty good idea what was going to happen with this goat. It was going to get sacrificed to these gods and go you know goddesses.
So, we took this goat in and my father is standing right there and he wants me to conduct the s the sacrifice and I'm trembling. I can't get myself to kill a fly. How am I going to get myself to kill a goat? However, he helped me out. He helped him with the sacrifice. And what would happen once the goat was killed? The blood would be sprinkled on these gods and goddesses. And the flesh of this goat would be taken outside of the camp or the tent.
It would be burnt, roasted, and everybody would sumptiously feast on the meat. So that was our version of annual sin atonement, right? And it wasn't just these rituals and sacrifices that disturbed you, but you you yourself you saw a lot
Chapter 2: The Witch Doctor, the Sacrifices, and a Fear of Death
of people in your family die. So a lot you know a lot of prayers going up to these gods. A lot of people were dying and then you yourself were experiencing a lot of illness and so you would be taken to the witch doctor. So what was that experience like? terrifying at best. I don't recall how old I was here, but the first encounter with the witch doctor was early on in life. I recall going into this cave because this witch doctor, he lived under this temple and this was a cave under a temple.
And that's where he lived. He had dreadlocks. That thing stunk like death. The odor, this putrid odor of death. It permeated the whole cave. And [clears throat] he would have me, my father and mother sit down in one section of that cave and he would sort of pray over us and he would carry he would pick up a broom and he would sort of like hit me on the head with the broom and he would cast out demons because he was presumed that I was demonpossessed because I was often sick.
They had taken me to the doctors. They did not have any answers for my sickness. So their last ditch effort was to take me to the witch doctor, but they were clueless. So, [snorts] in the backdrop of all this, your you family members are dying, you yourself are sick, you're being told you're demonpossessed, you don't believe in the rituals of your parents, and then you see video of these 12 workers from Nepal who were killed by insurgents in Iraq. Yes.
How did that impact you? I recall this incident. So, it happened I believe around 2004 when America was at war with Iraq. So there were these men, like you said, 12 men had migrated to Iraq to look for a better future. They were just wanting to work. They could speak some English. However, Islamic insurgents assumed them to be American spies. They kidnapped them and they videoed this whole thing, right?
They beheaded, I believe 11 of them were shot in the head and the one last individual was beheaded live on TV. They recorded this whole thing and they were selling tapes to let the world know that this is what will become of those who don't comply with Islam and those who want to attack Islam. I saw that video as a kid. I was traumatized not at what I saw. See, that's the crazy part about this. I wasn't scared about what happened there, but I was scared with this one thought lingering over my head.
What happened to those men? Where did they go? What happens to us when we die? You know, because I had seen my grandma die of cancer. This was my mother's mom whom I loved. She loved me. I was I think I'm more biased to believe that I was her favorite grandson, right? She loved me. I spent a lot of time with her. She was someone that loved people, helped the poor, fed the hungry, clothed the sick.
I loved her. And she died of cancer. I was there by her bedside when she died. She was hopeless. I could look into those eyes and I could see hopelessness in someone. And I asked myself the same question then. What happens when you die? Is death the end? Where do we go? Yeah, I was really tormenting you. I mean, your family had relocated to Australia because of some threats against the families of government workers, which your dad was.
And at 13, you started living a pretty radical life in Australia, kind of chased by these thoughts, right? Yes. I we migrated to Australia, you know, Sydney, 2008. It's a new country, new culture, new people, new faces. Everything was new. I was excited. I wanted to try everything. To me, that that is what I believed. True freedom was to be whatever you want, you know, wanted to be. And you know, to me, freedom was nobody can tell me what to do.
I can do whatever I want to do. That's freedom. And I believed that. And I pretty much chased everything under the sun. See, what I forgot to mention was when I was eight, that's when I first started drinking. My cousin actually introduced me to alcohol when I was eight. Wow. And that's when I started smoking. So, by the time I was 12 and 13, I started hanging out with a bad group of people. For some reason, I was always drawn to the bad group and they were always drawn to me.
I don't know why. Just drawn to them and they were drawn to me. And deep down I was always looking for acceptance, a sense of belonging. I was craving for attention. And I always ended up with them. And I believed the lie that they actually accepted me. So I did everything I could to please them. Stealing graffiti and I and I actually went to jail for the first time when I was 13.
Chapter 3: Rock Bottom at 16: "I Am Death" Speaks in the Car
Wow. Okay. So you're living a wildlife since eight, which seems very very young. And then by 16, you're really hitting rock bottom. So what's happening with you at 16? Yeah, I did hit rock bottom. And by rock bottom, I really mean that. I tried everything under the sun. There was this void in my heart. I tried to fill it with everything that the world had to offer to me. Women, drugs, alcohol, everything.
And I know it sounds pretty crazy cuz I'm only 16. Yeah, but I'm chasing. I'm longing for something to fill the void. And I even cried out to these gods of my father, these household gods that my father and mother had carried with them to Australia. I would find myself praying to them. I really would. I would pray and say things like, "Why am I here? What's my purpose in life? Why have you created me?
Speak to me. Answer me. I need answers. I can't just go on living like this. One day I was, you know, hanging out with a group of people, my friends from high school, and we went to the bar. It was a Friday night, I believe. I was drunk. I was almost wasted, and I couldn't drive. So, they drove me home that night. And as we're driving home that night, a dreadful voice speaks to me. I'd never heard this voice my whole life, but all of a sudden, I hear a voice.
It thundered in my soul. And this voice said to me, "I could take you right now. What would you do if I came for you? I am death. What would you do? Like you would have no escape. What would you do?" And see, all my life, that's all I ever feared was the the this concept, this thought of dying. Cuz I wanted to live. I did not want to die. I wanted to believe that there was something more than just this life.
I wanted to believe that I could live forever and not have to experience the sting of death. And that thought tormented me that night. And I went home that night and I contemplated taking my own life. I tried it, but I couldn't muster up the strength to do it. So I passed out that night. I just passed out. I couldn't do it. Coward. I passed out. Now after this though, so you passed out, but then you woke up and you heard a voice.
So, what did that was it a different voice than the voice you heard in the car? Words would really fall short. I don't know how to explain to you what really happened that morning cuz it was the
Chapter 4: The Voice at 4AM: "Get the Bible"
following morning. I got up. I believe it was between 4:30 or 4:30 to 5:30 in the morning. This voice woke me up. It woke me up. I was drenched in sweat. And it said three words. Get the Bible. And no, I don't believe this was the same voice. This was a different voice. It carried in itself this a authority. Get the Bible. See, it carried in itself this authority. And I knew when I heard it that I had to obey it.
There was a sense of urgency, but there was also a sense of joy that this voice brought to me that I'd never really understood nor experienced in my life. And this encouragement is a bit controversial because you growing up in Nepal, it was like do not embrace Christianity. Do not explore it like don't bring shame to your family. So what are you thinking when you hear this thing about the Bible? You know in cat you know in catmand do when I was a kid I was yes my my mother always discouraged me from following any other religion especially Christianity.
She had her preconceived ideas about Christianity. To her, Christianity was a cult. She believed, as she would say it in her own words, money-making scheme. And sadly, because there was a lot of the health, wealth, and prosperity gospel in our country at the time. And they were pretty much trying to sell Jesus for what Jesus was could offer to them rather than simply who Jesus was and what he had done for them at the cross.
So much of that had to do with the what was being presented as Christianity sadly. So I was always discouraged from pursuing it. I had one Christian friend that I knew of, one Christian friend earlier on in primary school, but he never shared his faith with me. He never talked about Jesus with me. He was no different than me. He looked just like me, acted just like me, talked just like me, did the same things as I did.
So, I could not tell any difference. Wow. So, tell me about the adventure you embarked on now trying to obey this voice to go find a Bible. This voice, you know, like I said, I I I don't have words to explain the dread and the joy I felt when this voice spoke to me, but I knew that I had to obey it. I knew it because my life depended on it. And I also knew that if I obey this voice, everything was going to be okay.
That I was truly going to experience joy and true life. So with that thought aresh in my mind, I woke up. Well, I was already awake. I woke up, got up from my bed, and I wanted to go to the closest bookstore. And I found this bookshop near my home, and I went in. As soon as they opened up, I was actually waiting outside the bookstore for it to open. I couldn't wa I couldn't wait to get in and to get this Bible because I knew that I had to.
Like I believe truly with all my ransomed being that was going to get ransomed soon here that I had to get it. And I walk inside, there's this dear old lady there [sighs] and I just scream at her, I need the Bible. And she is freaked out. She wants to know like why I'm so like urgent. like why am I so angry? That's how she interpreted my emotions. And I told her, I'm not angry. There is an urgency in me.
A voice spoke to me and told me to go get the Bible, and I'm here to obey that voice. Can you please lead me to the Bible? And she led me to the Bible section. And then she goes, "What translation do you want?" And I told her, "Lady, I don't know. Please give me the Bible. That's all I'm here for." Then she looks at me, she smirks at me, and she hands me copy of the New Testament. And I I grabbed that Bible.
Now, this is my Bible that I use now. I grabbed it and I literally hugged it. I tra I treasured it. I at that moment believed that this word or this book was going to be my everything. I believed my life depended on this book. I treasured it and I ran home. I ran home with it. It's one of the things I really love about your story is that, you know, we live in a skeptical age. intellectualism. Even here in the west sometimes we deny spirituality which is so much more real in many parts of the world.
And one of the things about you is when you read that book you believed every word and you still do. Tell me about diving in for the first time into the New Testament.
Chapter 5: Three Days Alone With the Bible — "Why Does It End in Death?"
I I went home that early morning and I shut my door. That door didn't open for three days. I was in that room for three days and three nights. I forgot about eating and drinking. I was just drinking and eating from this book. Every word spoke to me. No one had to convince me that what I was reading was the truth. Like I was made to hear this voice. I was made to live in obedience to this voice. It is as though in John 10 when Jesus says, "My sheep hear my voice.
I know them and they follow me." I knew it when I read Matthew 1 2 3 4 on and on. I kept reading and these words were like crying out to me. They were literally crying out to me. And I knew that whoever this Jesus is, this man of Nazareth, he's doing good. He's healing the sick, raising the dead. He's opening the eyes of the blind. I was made for him and I want to know him more. He's drawing me to himself.
And then Matthew 27, I read that they crucified him. They killed him. They nailed him on a wooden tree. And at that particular chapter, I closed my Bible and I threw it away because I just couldn't believe why someone would kill him. Why would they kill an innocent man that literally all he did was good? He loved them. He cared about them. He was there to help them, but they killed him. They hung him on a wooden tree.
They spat at him. They pulled his beard. They mocked him. They scorned his mercy. And I just was hopeless at that point. I went to a corner of my room and I wept like a child and I said,"Wh why does the story always end with death?" That's the very thought I had since childhood. Why is it always death? Why does death get to say the last word or have the last word? I think it's so interesting too because with your upbringing is you know as a Brahman top cast like you were expecting this Jesus this God incarnate to like take over the world like be the hero of the story like we would go see an epic movie.
So I think that probably played as well into like what so what happened next you're crying you threw the Bible at the wall. What happened next? You know I was sobbing like a baby. I really was. For the first time in my life, I saw a man who was killed who did not deserve to die. For the first time, I I felt it in the essence of my being. I I I just felt that agony. Why would they kill him? Not him.
Me? Yes, I I get it. I justly deserve to die like he died, but not him. And it is as though I was given or rather granted this strength to continue reading and I walk up to that Bible that I just chucked away and I grab it gently and I open it to Matthew 28 and I continue reading and all of a sudden lo and behold I read that he was raised from the dead that he had been resurrected from the dead. And I looked at that I still recall reading that text.
I couldn't believe it. I really couldn't believe it. I I had to read over that verse multiple times to make sure that I wasn't reading into it. This is exactly what it read. He is risen. No longer among the dead. He is risen. And I'm there like rubbing my eyes. I'm making sure that I'm not seeing things here that this is real. That someone conquered death. This is the very answer I've been longing for all all my life.
that someone actually conquered death and rose from the dead.
Chapter 6: The Dark Figure and "Call Upon the Name of the Lord"
I think what happens next is interesting as well because you know you'd been to the witch doctor. you know you'd had you've been part of some dark things and you fell asleep full of peace which was it must have felt amazing for you but something wakes you up something dark. What happened? You know, right after this wonderful experience of finding out the truth about Jesus's resurrection, I really was just overflowing with joy, exceeding joy. I this glimmer of hope was rekindled in me to know that there is hope for me.
If he rose from the dead, there's something here that that I need to pay attention to. And with that thought aresh in my mind, I fell asleep treasuring the Bible. I literally fell asleep like this. I just fell asleep. And the f and for the first time in my life, I fell asleep like a baby. I literally was so I was at peace. This supernatural peace is the way I I I like to put it. There's no other way to really express that.
It was a supernatural peace. Paul says, "The peace of God that surpasses all knowledge." And it was truly that. it surpassed everything for the first time. However, earlier that morning and what what happened here is really hard to explain. Really hard to explain. Like I still to this day do not know how to articulate in words what really happened that early morning. I'm sleeping. Something awakens me.
This figure, this dark figure, he's there. He approaches me and he sits on my bed and the bed sinks a couple of feet deep. This is a very dark creature. Now, I can't make out who or what this thing is. I'm halfway asleep, halfway awake. It's hard to tell. Doctors would probably label that as sleep paralysis, but I believe it's something spiritual more than that. So, I'm there completely paralyzed, gripped with fear.
And I can see this being from my peripheral view. It's right there. It's right next to me. And I knew whatever I was feeling, the dread, the fear, that hopelessness was emanating from this being right there. And he growled at me. He growled. He growled. It was this taunt, this mockery. It's as though he he were telling me, "I have you exactly where I want you. There's nothing you can do." And all of a sudden, the same voice that told me to get the Bible, I heard his voice again, and he simply said these words, "Call upon the name of the Lord."
And I'm there. I just can't do it. I don't have enough strength and courage. And the words aren't coming out of my mouth. This being did not want me to call upon the name of the Lord. But I struggled. I struggled and I struggled. And all of a sudden, I literally cried out the name of Jesus. I said, "Lord Jesus," with all of my being and instantly this being just vanished. He left. Wow. And I awoke overflowing with praise.
I you know and it's funny that you say that be you know that it's hard to explain or you know almost like a fear that people wouldn't believe it but I've actually heard a number of people express something like this something that would choke them like you said you felt like you couldn't breathe something laying on top of you something dark and it's always the name of Jesus just FYI if people are watching and this ever happens it's the name of Jesus every time and I think sometimes darkness just just doesn't want to let you go right
Chapter 7: The Pit, the Outstretched Arm, and Crying Out for Mercy
absolutely but you you worked through the rest of the Bible over those three days but you also had a dream, another dark dream. What happened in the dream as I was reading through the Bible? Now, see, after I read Matthew and this incident, right, I awoke that early morning with just praise songs in my lips. I knew that Jesus is exactly who he says he is. He is God. And I'm drawn and led to read the entirety of this book, the Bible, the New Testament.
And I am just there drinking from the deepest wells of salvation. I'm drinking. I'm drinking. And I believe it was the second night of reading the Bible. I I had another vision rather. The best way for me to describe it is a vision because I was fully awake. There's no other way to explain it. I fell asleep, but then I was awakened. It's as though John, he says, "I was in the the island of Patmos, but I was in the spirit."
God did something there. It's hard to explain what it was. Was I awake? Was I asleep? Was it a vision? The best I can come up with was is it was a vision. In this vision, I was just sinking into this deep, dark pit. And the deeper I got, the darker it felt. It was a neverending pit. Like I was just drowning in this pit. And I sensed such dread that I don't experience the worst of my enemies to go through.
I was just being sucked into this pit. It was so dark. And the Bible talks about such darkness. It says a darkness that can be felt, a gross darkness. I felt it in the fiber of my being. And the deeper it got, the darker it felt. And I'm just drowning and drowning. And I knew in my soul, I'm I'm going to hell. There is no escape from this. There is no hope here. There is no hope here. I am going to die and I'm going to hell.
Who is going to help me? Who is going to help me? Wretched man that I am, said Paul. That's exactly how I felt. Wretched man. And see, it's easy for me to mention these in words, but I just want you all to know that there is hopelessness that one can feel in in his innermost being. That hopelessness that you have no you can't do anything here. You are endlessly condemned here. There's nothing I can do to get myself out of this bottomless pit.
No work, no good deeds, nothing will let me or save me at this moment in time. And all of a sudden, call upon the name of the Lord again. Same voice. The voice of who I believed was my shepherd. Call upon his name again. And all of a sudden, as I'm drowning, Lord Jesus, please save me. And I see this arm, this outstretched arm, as the Bible says, right? the outstretched arm of the Lord. I saw this arm stretching out towards me and it grabbed me and it upheld me with his righteousness.
It literally grabbed me and he gently pulled me up from this pit and he brought me up from that darkness. It is as though the Lord wanted me to feel and experience the hopelessness that many are going into without Christ for all eternity. It's an incredible vision and according to the Bible that's you know our that's our fate if we don't know Christ if we don't give our life to him and that was really your response when you came out of that dream or that vision your response was to start repenting tell me about those next moments I woke up from that vision and this is now the third day of just pouring my soul into this book right here the Bible And I was finally done reading the whole Bible, at least the New testament. And I knew one thing that I am a sinner. I am exceedingly sinful.
And I knew another thing that he is extremely holy. He is holy. He is a holy God. How can I bring myself to him? Because I'm sinful. I cannot. It will not be enough. So I close this Bible gently this time. didn't didn't didn't you know throw it away or anything. I treasured it and I said, "Lord, here I am." I lay prostrate on the floor for I don't know how long time was lost to me. I didn't care about time.
I only knew one thing that I want to know this God. I want to know him. That in the same way he knows me, I want to know him. And I was there prostrate just crying out to him, Lord, I don't know what to say. I don't know how to pray, but I've read your word and I believe everything this book says about who you are and who I am. I am guilty and I've sinned exceedingly and I need your mercy. So all I did as I lay prostrate on that floor was cry out for mercy.
I was crying out for mercy. I said, "Lord, I'm I'm a sinful man. Please forgive me. Take me as I am." was the prayer that I kept repeating. Take me as I am. Take me as I am. And he came. He came into that room. See, now there is no no way for me to express that event. He came. I didn't see anyone. I didn't see anything in that room, but I knew that he was there. I felt it in my soul that the Holy One had stepped into that unholy life.
And he was in that room. And I felt it. I felt a cleansing flow go through my whole body. I knew that Jesus Christ, as I was crying out and praying, he was cleansing me right there of all the sins I'd ever committed against him. And as he was cleansing me, and I'm feeling it, my soul is an absolute surrender to him as he's cleansing me, all I can say is, "Thank you. I don't deserve this. Thank you for cleansing me, for forgiving me."
That's all I could say.
Chapter 8: Born Again: A New Heart and Kicked Out of the House
[snorts] It's an amazing moment and I think about the transformation, you know, going from I'm the top cast. Everybody else is less than me. I don't care about anyone else. Now you have recognized this depth of lack in you, this sin. You've given your life to God. Now what changes about you in the days following? Everything. There's one verse in 2 Corinthians 5:17. If any man be in Christ, he is a new creature.
Old has passed away. Behold, a new new has come. All this is from God who who through Christ has reconciled us to himself. See, that's exactly how I felt. And I knew this to this to be the truth that Jesus Christ had saved me that moment. He had literally transferred me from the domain of darkness to his marvelous light. And I knew at that point that I was saved that third day. And I went to sleep peacefully.
Now this time with no interruption, peacefully because I knew that I am right with him. He is my Lord. I am his child. I am a sheep of his pasture. And I woke up the following day. This was a very strange day. I woke up and everything is new. My heart is new. There's no other way to put it. I have a new heart. God gave me a new heart. He gave me a heart transplant. My affections were warm. They were tender.
I wanted to go love on my mom and dad. I walked outside into my backyard. I looked at the sky. I looked at the birds. Everything was beautiful. The birds, I I saw them chirping and singing. And I said to myself, "They're singing unto him. They reflect his glory right now." I looked up at the sky and the trees. They exist for him. They reflect his glory. So everything became about him. I see Christ in everything now.
His glory, his handiwork and everything. Immediately, instinctively, I run run up to my mother, "Mom, I know God." And she looks at me and she ays, "Well, good. We do, too." And I knew she wasn't getting my point. I said, "Mom, no. I know the true living God, the God of the Bible, Jesus Christ. And she's uncomfortable at this stage. And I can tell she's starting to turn red. Well, that's fine. He can join our gods.
He can be one of our gods. Then I finally said, "Mom, look, no, no, no. What we have served all of our lives, they are nothing but idols. They're false gods. Having ears, they hear not. Having eyes, they see not. They are dead. They are the work of man's hand. We need to turn to the true living, the one and only God of the Bible, Jesus Christ. At this retort, she looks at me and she grabs my my Bible that I had at the time.
And she throws it away. And she looks at me and says, "If you ever bring up this name in this household again, you can't live here." So, she kicked me out of the house. And what did you do at that point? I mean, you're 16. I thankfully had a car at that point. So, I was just in my car. Wow. I was in my car. But you know what I had? I had his word with me. I had him and he had me. And that was truly enough.
This happened in 2011. And you've been praying for your family since. and definitely there's been some reconciliation, but not the result that you hope. And I think a lot of people can relate to that. maybe they they find faith and it wasn't a thing in their family and they're hoping to see that happen. How tough is it to now like you have committed your life, you're a pastor to following this Jesus, you know, but knowing that your family, they're still not on that page with you.
Yeah. You know, sometimes I always ask myself the question, Lord, why me? Why? Why did you choose me out of everyone in my family? My cousin was a lot smarter than me. They got straight A's. I was a straight ease, you know. I never did anything good. I was always the mischievous kid in my classroom, in the home. I was the troublemaker. I was always drawn after the wrong things in life. So why would you choose me?
Why not them? Right? Why not them? And still to this day, I ask myself that same question. Why me? Right? Because it somehow pleased the father to choose me. There's nothing I could have done or said about that. It's because he simply chose to lavish his love on me. And there's nothing I could have done. And my simple response to that is, Lord, I surrender. That's all I can do. Now I'm a love slave to you and to your grace.
So I've been praying for my family since 2011. It's 2026 now. Consistently. And you know, there's a parable in the Gospel of Luke about the persistent widow. She kept going before that unrighteous judge. Give me justice. Give me justice. Give me justice. And that judge out of mere annoyance gives her justice. Annoyance. And Jesus looks at at his people and says, "How much more will God give justice to his elect who cry out to him night and day?"
That is my hope. I'm clinging on onto that. He knows. He knows the tears and he knows the prayers. He knows the sackloth and ashes. And he's a faithful God. Paul says in second Timothy, even when we are faithless, he is true. He does not deny himself. Even when we are untrue, he is true. Because my passion is not always there. My faith isn't always perfect, but he is perfect. He will keep his word.
He will keep his promise to me. You know, one of the things that this whole experience in your life has really birthed in you and even that vision that you had of going into the pit, I think is all part of your destiny. And you know your passion really is to share this faith with others. Is to see people not just have a cultural experience of Christianity but really a true relationship with God. Can you unpack that a little bit for us?
Chapter 9: Called to Ministry — and a Message for Anyone Afraid of Death
Yeah. You know shortly after my conversion in 2011, I just had this desire to move to the States. God was drawing me there. There's no other way to put it. God was calling me to move, pack up my belongings, cross over, move here to the States. And I didn't quite understand why. You know, at the time, I was a fitness trainer. I was going to a fitness school in Colorado, but I couldn't shut up about Jesus Christ.
I was sharing my faith with everyone, including my coaches. And one day, my, you know, one of my coaches came up to me and he pulled me aside and said, "Hey, look, young man, you're obviously passionate about your faith. this is not the right place to do it. You can't be going around telling your clients about Jesus all the time. You to find a new job. So that was their passively aggressive way of kicking me out of that career.
But I didn't take any offense. I truly saw that as God was calling me to something here. He's ushering me into ministry here because I truly want everyone to know about this gospel. Time is too short for me to not. So I really took it to the streets. See, when I first got saved, nobody really discipled me for three years. From 2011 until 2014, I went without any disciplehip or any church family. I didn't understand it.
I didn't I wasn't taught what the church was. My ecclesiology wasn't all there. Didn't understand doctrine. Didn't understand all these denominations, all the confusion. And in a sense, I'm thankful for that because I was able to exercise a childlike faith in my father. All I had was him and his word and prayer and he drew me through that. However, after I moved to the states, I started to see or rather meet a lot of Christians.
I mean, I was told that it was a it was predom it was predominantly a Christian nation like everybody supposedly believed in Jesus. That that's what I was told. So, I'm excited. I'm coming here. I'm like, "Man, I can't wait to meet believers." And I would find myself speaking to believers in the streets. And they would look at me like, "You're crazy. You're a fanatic. You're crazy. Just shut up. Don't tell me about this.
I go to church. I'm good. I I have my name checked off in the church list or the church book. You don't need to come and tell me about Jesus. I'm good." And I'm thinking, am I doing something wrong here? Shouldn't the people of God be more excited to hear about the truth of God? Why is there this response, this indifferent response amongst the so-called God's people here? I couldn't understand that because I'm trying to understand, Lord, what am I doing wrong here?
Am I evangelizing in a wrong way? You know, one thing I learned about my time during street evangelism was a lot of the backlash I received was not from unbelievers. It was mostly from the churchgoers. They didn't want the word of God to be proclaimed. And one verse came to mind in Luke 9 when Jesus says, "Whoever is ashamed of me and of my words, of him will the son of man be ashamed when he comes in his glory."
See, even in Canada, we would say, you know, we wouldn't really be ashamed of saying we're Christians. It's a predominantly Christian country or was at some point and I hope it will be soon again. But there is no shamefulness in saying you're a Christian. But how many dare stand up and say, "No, not only am I a Christian, I am not afraid to proclaim the words of Jesus Christ." Because he says, "Whoever is ashamed of me and of my words, of him also will I be ashamed."
And I was having to fight through those thoughts. Lord, am I doing something wrong? Am I not seeing something? Or are people really ashamed of your word? Are they only comfortable talking about love and grace and mercy? But why why is no one talking about your justice and your wrath and the coming judgment? You know, that's what I was trying to reconcile. Why is it we like to cherrypick some attributes of God?
God is love. God is forgiveness and merciful. And we love talking about them. Those things are true. We should talk about those things. But I'm reminded about what Paul addressed to the Ephesian elders in Acts 20. Preach the full council of God to people. God is God for all that he is. He is just. He's loving. He's merciful. He's wrath. He's all of those things. That's what makes him who he is. But above all, he is good and we can trust it.
Trust in that he is good. And that is what I was trying to reconcile. Why are we not passionate? You know, one thing, see, I'm new to the States at this point. It's 2014, fresh off the plane. One thing I couldn't understand was, man, I'm meeting so many Christians. They are so passionate about sports. They know their teams. They can quote all the statistics, the games. I mean, they will blind, you can blindfold them.
They'll go on and on about their teams. And I would talk to those same people. They can quote one scripture. They would go to a sports game. They would jump and cheerlead all the way. They would come to church, they would be frozen. Why is this? How can this be? How can the living God be in you and you appear to be dead? It can't be that. The living God burns in you. The road to Emmus Luke 24 says after Jesus opened the eyes of the two.
Then they recall did not our hearts burn within us when when he opened to us the scriptures. Why do our hearts not burn when we read his word when we hear his voice? Yeah. You know it's kind of the Bible talks about people who've lost their first love. And sometimes that is true of us in the west. It's too comfortable. We lose that first passion and love that we felt when you you felt when you read the Bible for the first time.
And I'm so glad you haven't lost it. And I'm thinking of somebody watching right now who maybe does have those questions about life after death. Who may wonder like, "Am I going to be okay? Maybe they're tormented by fear or that hopelessness that you referred to that's so dark that you can't pull yourself out of it." What would be your message to that person? Throw yourself upon Jesus Christ. Throw yourself as a beggar of mercy and grace.
You can't do anything to win his favor. There's nothing you can do to win or earn his favor. Here is what God says to you, oh man. Micah 6:8, he has told you what is good. What does the Lord require of you? Do justice, love kindness, walk humbly with your God. This is the works of God to believe in the one whom he has sent, Jesus Christ. fall upon his mercy as though everything depended on it. You know, one of my favorite verses and now I have many.
One of the many happens to be from Hebrews 2 when it says that Jesus Christ set the captives free from the fear of death. He says in verse Hebrews 2:14, he starts off by saying, "Since therefore the children share in flesh and blood, he likewise himself parttook of the same things, that through death, he might destroy the one who has the power of death, that is the devil, and deliver all those who through fear of death were subject to lifelong slavery. For surely that is not for surely it is not angels that he helps, but he helps the offspring of Abraham." Now, who are the offspring of Abraham in the New Testament? those of faith in Christ, he helps them because he's a merciful and a faithful high priest and he saves those who draw near to him by faith and faith alone.
And Hebrews 11 verse 6 says without faith it is impossible to please him. So draw near to him through faith and faith alone and he will take away all your fears, all your anxieties, your depression, anything and everything. And he will bring you blamelessly. He will present you blamelessly before the throne one day. It's beautiful. What he has done in your life is so inspiring. The story of how you got there, what came before it, and what is happening now.
You're a pastor in Virginia, and we're just cheering you on. Thanks so much for coming today and sharing your beautiful story. It's been an absolute honor. Thank you so much for having me.
