Chapter 1: Cold Open
After I got out of the military, I became a film. So, I had a career in the adult film industry for about 10 years. I mocked Christians, Christianity, argued with Christians. I felt I was in control of my life from 12, 13 to 52. [laughter] But God knew exactly what was going to happen in my life. And he knew the things that had to happen in my life. Even though when I spitten in his face, when I mocked him to his face, when I mocked everything that he stands for, he never left me. Those mountains were in your past and they you just have to look differently and you'll see it.
Chapter 2: A Chaotic Childhood
My name is James Rios. My home life was [sighs] pretty chaotic. my parents divorced when I was two weeks old. My mother was or is I would I would say still an alcoholic on that. She probably doesn't have much time left. She's abused her body for most of her life. she always dated like bikers, truckers, things like that. She always worked in bars. she was the black sheep of her family and that that mentality or that lifestyle she kind of carried over to being a mother as well.
So her lifestyle was always more important than the safety of me and my sister. So, we got dragged around all over the place, across the country, constantly. we were really never in one place for more than two years. if she, got in an argument with her boss, she quit her job, we moved. If she, broke up with her boyfriend, we moved. always originating from Washington State, but across the country, back to Washington State, down the country, back to Washington State, back down to California, back to Washington State.
so we were just, you know, we were poor. and it was just not an ideal childhood. Obviously, you know, I can't say there was never any good times or fun times because you make you make those yourself and we did have good times with my mom, but overwhelmingly her partying was a higher priority than the safety of me and my sister. I don't really think I had any idea who I wanted to be. there was no way for me to form an identity.
I kind of molded myself to wherever I was. when you when you're constantly moving, at least for me, I I stopped really trying to make friends because I knew I wasn't going to be there for that long. So I had a poor attitude. I didn't care what I said, what I did, how it affected people. I just didn't really care about bringing people in close to me. so I I didn't I think the only person I ever really held as a an idol was Bruce Lee.
And I was into martial arts and me and a friend would always fake fight out on the street corner with cars driving by. I just loved all Bruce Lee movies. Just watched them and and so I would I I guess if anything I wanted to be Bruce Lee and I I I would get in fights with my friends more than than strangers. I was just a punk in every definition of the word. U and I was your classic if you would just apply yourself kid.
But outside of that, I had no identity for myself. my mom ended up in high school. She ended up getting into some longerterm relationships where we stayed around the same area longer, but like I mentioned earlier, I was never in one school for more than than two years. my seventh grade year, I went to four different schools. Freshman year, I went to one school. Sophomore year, I went to two different schools.
senior year, junior senior year, I went to two different schools. close by. I was just at a district, so I I I stole something from the cafeteria and I got kicked out of the school that I was out of that district and had to go back to the school that I was my mom had now lived. My junior year, I'd made the decision to go into the military. I didn't want to go to school at all anymore. but I I had enough sense about me to know that I didn't want to get stuck in in that town, about 14,000 people at the time, and and not do anything and not go anywhere.
So, I figured the military would give me more time. backing up,
Chapter 3: The Abuse No One Knew About
part of the horrible part of my childhood was, that I was, sexually molested at five, by a male boyfriend of the babysitter my mom hired to watch us. while my mom worked at a bar, and each night she worked at the bar, she would close the bar down with her friends sitting there drinking. I think it was at least twice. It could have been three times. I never said anything to my mom about that until I was in Desert Storm.
And at one point I wasn't sure if we were coming back. So I wrote my mom a letter and explained to her what happened. And she knew I didn't know his name and but she knew exactly who I was talking about. And that kind of devastated her. but that with thinking of how that affected me, my sexual life started probably around 12. my drinking started probably 12, 13. I guess emulating my mom. more than I probably realized or thought I was doing because that's the stuff that I witnessed growing up.
Seeing my mom drunk all the time, seeing my mom getting beat up by her boyfriends all the time, walking in on my mom having sex with a a boyfriend or whoever. She's on her seventh marriage now, so and hundreds of boyfriends in between. So, no one I ever considered a father figure in my life. No one I ever took serious or no one I ever even cared to take any type of advice from or life advice or behavior advice. so yeah not not any role models to to follow.
So kind of leads me back to to Bruce Lee. I felt he was, you know, [laughter] just a good guy to to to follow. When I was younger, we would go to church. we were in foster care a bunch when we were kids. One of our foster families were Christians and they took us to church regularly. So so I would go when I was younger. outside of that with my mom, we never went. there wasn't really a push. so outside of that, I had no relationship with God.
I had no, regular interactions with church or or anyone like that. Anyone regular or any anyone that could have significantly impacted my life in my youth, I would look at it as like a chore, something you're being forced to do. I think even at an early age, that's how kind of I viewed it, that it was something parents forced their kids to do. For most of my adult life, considered myself agnostic or atheist. I consistently and frequently argued with Christians and anybody religious.
I would I one of the books I read was the case against the case for Christ. so I could argue with Christians and and felt like I knew what I was talking about. I mocked Christians. I mocked Christianity. I when I talk about this, I talk about it a lot that I I would stand on my soapbox and I had a louder voice than you and I would get all my opinions across whether you wanted to hear them or not. but I had my arguments against it.
And I
Chapter 4: Mocking God for 40 Years
would laugh at Christians that had books and and pictures and coasters or any scriptures all around their house. and my argument to that was, why do you need all this stuff? If this is what you believe and it's real, why do you need all this stuff reminding you of what to believe? I definitely fought against it and I felt I was in control of my life from 12, 13 to 52, [laughter] 53. A lot of the issues that I dealt with when I was in my early teens, mid- teens, and older, I really thought I had control of.
I truly feel that my life is as bad at times as I thought it was. whether caused directly by me or my home life, family circumstance, living conditions, or where we lived. I feel could have been way worse. and for some reason it wasn't. like I drank and I started drinking early. I never smoked cigarettes. I I smoked marijuana in my entire life probably five times. And every single one a horrible experience.
So it's not for me. my friends did that early on. My friends did other drugs early on and I never did that. so I had enough sense about me early on to not get into anything too serious. so I really felt I was towing the line and I think that gave me the sense like I had one foot on each side of the tracks, good and bad. but I never I never just jumped to either side. I just kind of lived right there in the middle.
And I arrested for stealing beer. me and a couple friends on accident walking by a school on a weekend. I just pulled on the door just for no reason and it opened. So, we went inside and and just kind of walking through classrooms and didn't do anything major. Just kind of took a a reeltore old projector reel and rolled it down the the hallway. Didn't do anything really major, just some little minor stuff.
And then we were walking out the door as the cop was backing out to leave because he couldn't find any way that an alarm went off. so got arrested well juvenile detention for for a day for that. Had a DUI at 22 years old. should have had more but didn't. probably should have been in an accident but wasn't after I got out of the military. I became a growing star. so I had a career in the adult film industry for about 10 years thinking I was doing nothing morally wrong, thinking my mindset was I I'm making a living.
I'm paying my bills. I'm supporting myself. No one else is going to do that.
Chapter 5: A Decade in the Adult Film Industry
and still no relationship with the church, no relationship with God. at that point definitely calling myself an atheist. and still all the arguments against Christians and Christianity and I felt extremely confident in my arguments on those. even given the life I was living, I was at kind of a crossroads at that point because I never I always told myself that I wasn't going to be in that industry that long. I didn't want to be in that industry.
I wanted to make some money. I wanted to possibly go to school. I wanted to save money and then get out. I knew it wasn't my personality. Chapter 6: The Woman God Sent but that's where I found myself with the exception of the first year and a half that I was in that business. I kind of got overwhelmed by it. So I kind of lived the lifestyle. I went to the parties. I did the things. And then I just realized that that's not me.
and I stopped that. And all my friends from that point on were not in the industry. They were all outside. all my guy friends. I didn't do anything associated with the industry. I went to work, I came home. and I just kept it that way. and I was really at a crossroads where I wanted to get out. I just didn't know how and I didn't know what I was going to do. and it was around then that I met my now wife.
we've been married, we're on our 19th year of marriage, and she comes from she comes from a a really strong generationally deep Christian family. five kids in her family. She's the middle. And [snorts] there's just there's absolutely no way. And I believe now I believe this to my core and there's nothing anyone can say that would ever convince me otherwise. [snorts] there's no way our lives should have crossed.
It just shouldn't have happened completely different. but we were brought together for a purpose and for a reason. And I say this jokingly, but also with some sincerity that at one point God said, "Okay, this guy is taking a lot longer than I had planned, so I have to send in reinforcements." And he put Katie in my life. And from [sighs] I would say the a year and a half after I met her [snorts] is probably when well it was 100% when my life started a slow turn a slow change and it still took almost 20 years for me to come to God.
but I mean nothing happens in our time frame. It's all in God's time frame. and I I think of, you know, what if I
Chapter 7: Send in Reinforcements
made different decisions earlier? What if I had a dad in my life? Or what if my mom cared about us enough to not move us around? but God knew exactly what was going to happen in my life. And he knew the things that had to happen in my life. And he knew that I needed Katie in my life. So [snorts] he put her in my life. He put her in my way. And and then with that when I look back [snorts] and I kind of refer to it as when God finally told me to stop looking through life through sin colored lenses.
I could look back and see that all of the times that I felt could have gone wrong or worse, they didn't because he was he never left me. He was all even even through everything that I did. Even though when I basically spitten in his face, when I mocked him to his face, when I mocked every all his tenants, when I made fun of everything that he stands for, he never left me when I chose to to to walk a path for however long with the devil. And I kind of say it in a sense where when I was walking that those tracks and I had one foot here on this side, one foot on this side, the devil's guiding me this way. And if the g de devil lured me into an extended, you know, trip over here, God just waited.
He just it's like if this was what you feel you need to do, go do it. I'm right here. And And the fact that he just never leaves you regardless is just the love that you know I was missing my entire life and and you just don't see it. when you feel that you are in control, you are looking through sin colored lenses. And when he finally says, "Okay, that's enough. It's time to straighten yourself out."
And you have to listen. And [snorts] and I listened. I fought it for the longest time. And I mean I'm here now and it's still part of my part of my journey to God wasn't it wasn't going to come from people who grew up in the church. I had to listen and I had to talk to more guys that were more like me or people like me that came to God late and I you know find the reasons why [snorts] because I felt people who grow up in the church and then kids who grow up in the church or kids who grow up with parents like my wife's family you know like gener generational generationally deep Christian family.
So, and I asked this to my father-in-law one time. I asked him, "When did you start believing?" And he [snorts] couldn't answer it. And I said, "Because your parents were believers, they told you, "This is what we believe. This is what we're going to do." So then that's what you did. You grow up that way. Then you tell your kids, "This is what we believe." And when we had kids, when Katie and I had kids, I was a non-believer.
And I told her I never stood in the way of my wife's faith at all and I never stood in the way of of the kids believing and they I just wanted it to be their choice. and that's what they chose and I was fine with that. And for a while my son would would tell me he would ask me if I would if I believed and I would be honest with him and then he would he would say, "Well, I don't think I believe either." and I would be honest with them. I'm like, "You don't know what you believe right now.
Just continue what you're doing until you, you know, just I'm like, "Don't follow me because you just want to follow me." So, I I encourage them, keep their minds open and and and just learn. And you know both my kids are are followers of Christ and and and I mean now our entire family is. What made me start to know that I wanted to pursue Jesus. There wasn't a particular day or an event. I can't be forced to do something.
I can't be told, you know, do this now. If it doesn't feel right to me, I'm not going to do that now. So, it's it's really a progression with me. he knows he's going to get me there. So, if there's still some bumps in the road, then I'm going to have to to face those. But, I started serving here at Northfield before I was a Christian. I joined, the Forge group before I was a Christian. because I wanted to be around the people and I wanted to talk to them and I wanted to hear I mentioned that I had read the case against the case for Christ.
so I'm like okay let me read the first book. well listen I I I drive a lot so I I listen to audio books. So I I downloaded the case for Christ and I listened to that. Then from there that led me into Mere Christianity and from there from there that led me to A Reason for God by Tim Keller. So I guess there is a date there is a date June 29th, 2024. I just I was just finishing A Reason for God by by Tim Keller and I was listening to the epilogue and in the epilogue I actually I I put these down.
There were some there are some quotes in there. Five quotes in the epilogue of Tim Keller's A Reason for God that changed my life. [snorts] If you wait until your motives are pure before you do something, you'll wait forever. This one gets me every single time. Repentance that really changes your heart and relationship with God begins when you recognize that your main sin, the sin under the rest of your sins
Chapter 8: The Book That Wrecked Me
is your self-salvation project. [snorts] Meaning when you think that you have this and you're in control. [snorts] The next one is don't make the mistake of thinking you have to banish all misgivings to meet God. That would turn your faith into one more way to be your own savior. You don't have to wait for all doubts and fears to go away to take hold of Christ. It's not the strength of your faith, but the object of your faith that saves you.
[snorts] And then Deuteronomy 32:9-10. But the Lord's portion is his people. Jacob has allotted heritage. He found him in the desert land and in ha and in the howling waste of the wilderness. He encircled him. He cared for him and kept him as the apple of his eye. And when I was sitting I was actually on a [snorts] work trip in Florida listening to that. And then that's when I I I'm like, what are you waiting for?
You know, I'm waiting for all these things to happen. I'm waiting for my life. I'm waiting for me to change my life into an acceptable life for Jesus before I make the decision. And I'm never going to be able to do that. So, I'm like, I I I really decided at that point, what are you what are you waiting for? And I sent my wife a text and I said, because I still didn't understand the process. I sent her a text and I said, "I think I'm ready to be baptized."
And she said, [laughter] "I think you have to accept I think you have to accept Jesus as your Lord and Savior first." And I said, "I think I just did that." and she said she cried [music] the rest of the day. Not just a short time, not just briefly, [music] the rest of the day. And and [music] then when other family members found out [music] the same emotion and I didn't think [snorts] I didn't realize
Chapter 9: The Text Message That Changed Everything
how many [music] people and how long they were waiting in the beginning [music] of of my relationship with Katie. her parents, there's an age difference between us, but that didn't bother her parents. It was my occupation [music] at the time. [snorts] And no matter how I explained it to them or tried to, obviously they just aren't going [music] to understand. so I didn't have a relationship with her parents for for two years.
She basically didn't have a relationship with her parents for two [music] years. she chose me over her family. And [music] [snorts] so when we talk about it, she she knew she had a relationship with God, but she didn't understand her relationship with God. because I had said to [music] her before, if if all the religious leaders of the world came out on the news and said, "It's not [music] real. We made it all up."
What would you say? She said, "It wouldn't matter. It wouldn't matter what they said. I know the relationship I have with God." Maybe you didn't hear what I said. What if every single religious leader came out and said, "It's not real. Maybe you didn't hear what I said. [laughter] It doesn't matter what they say. I know the relationship I have with God." But I don't think she understood the depth of her relationship or what he was needing from her.
So my journey as much [music] as it was a rescue of my life, it was a defining moment in her relationship with God because she finally understood God had been calling her to do. So it was a challenge for her. You know, why am I with this guy? Why am I putting up with this? [music] my scripture for how I view my marriage is 1 Peter 3:1 and2. wives, [music] in the same way, submit yourselves to your own husbands, so that if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over [music] without words by the behavior of their wives when they see the purity and reverence of [music] your lives.
and that's she just held to who she is. And that and [music] God got me here. And I mean, God giving her the strength and the encouragement to know that there's a purpose behind her being with me. She is my angel and she was put in my life undoubtedly by God. like my dayto-day now it's pretty drastic from where it was two years ago and I mean I'm still not even 2 years into [music] being a Christian.
but I I regularly I wake up at 4. I usually turn on [music] Audible on the Bible and then listen to wherever I'm at currently in the Bible. After I do that, then I usually sit and I go through [music] all my scripture memorization. And I have I don't know how many now that I have memorized. I never thought I had a memory. I thought my memory is horrible, but God has given me a memory [music] for scripture.
With my job, it's hard for me to get out, I feel, and really spread [music] what has been going on in my life because I'm isolated a lot. And that was tough before I became a Christian because that's where the [music] enemy does his best work is is in isolation. and he tries to [music] isolate you and and and then when he sees you're moving towards [music] God or you're with God, then the attacks come even harder and and more frequent. so [music] when you're spending hours driving, you know, he'll cast [music] a lure out there and try to get you to grab and if he's successful, then you could spend the next 4 hours of a drive thinking the things that you don't want to be thinking. so you know, I listen [music] to continue to listen to to the Bible when I'm driving.
I listen to a lot of [music] Christian music now when I'm driving. I listen to a lot of books still when I'm driving. In all honesty, being a Christian is exhausting. [music] and it's challenging. and [music] I mean that's I think that's, you know, in in in different words [music] that's referenced a number of times in the Bible that it's not easy and if you want an easy life, don't follow me. but it's I mean I I I I don't want to be anywhere else.
I mean I know where I was and nothing ever got better and I mean I feel better now. I feel even though it's it can be exhausting at [music] times, I know where I'm at and I know where I'm going. For [music] anyone
Chapter 10: Being a Christian Is Exhausting
out there watching this that can relate at all to my [music] message, my testimony, if you're on the fence and uncertain [music] or scared, your best option is to just surrender. You you don't have to wait for your life to [music] be perfect. It's never going to be perfect. as perfect as your life is going to be is having [music] God in your life. He doesn't expect you to be perfect. He just expects you to love him.
People talk all the time [music] about wanting to see miracles [music] and needing to see a miracle to to be able to believe. If you can truly look back and audit your life and through the lenses of of belief and faith, just look at your life on where it could have gone way worse [music] and why didn't that happen. You'll find your miracles. Then you don't need a sea to part or a mountain to move. Those mountains are [music]
Chapter 11: I Am a Voice Amplified for Christ
were in your past and they've moved. You just have to look differently and you'll see it. My name is [music] James and I am a voice amplified for Christ. That's it. [applause]
