Chapter 1: Introduction
[Music] I probably should have felt like I arrived when I got noticed by Maxim magazine as one of the top 12 hottest porn stars I was on the Howard St show several times I'd won different Awards in that industry I could make anywhere from3 to $150,000 a month depending on if I was escorting or just shooting pornography I remember at one point in my career having hundreds of thousands of people following me on Twitter and I would be like you know I'm just not feeling like getting out of bed today can you guys encourage me and I'd have all these people praising me and I just felt more empty inside I achieved everything that I had hoped to achieve in that industry and it still wasn't [Music]
Chapter 2: Growing Up
enough my name is Britney damura and I grew up in San Diego California I was not a person of conviction and I think that that came from having being a very controlling mother like she made all my decisions for me my dad and I had a really good relationship growing up he was like the fun parent we looked forward to going to the park almost every day after school when he'd pick us up but I grew up in a verbally emotionally and sometimes physically abusive household growing up was really difficult it was really hard I felt rejected by the ones that I thought you know that I'm supposed to be loved by a lot of verbal abuse you're loser I hate you from you know my mom so when I turned 18 it was like I'm free I'm going to just do it all anything and everything that's offered me sure I'll get wasted I just wanted to try anything and everything because I finally felt like I can make my own decisions they weren't good decisions at all but I felt like I could finally do what I wanted to do without somebody telling me you are not allowed to do that one night I ended up in Mexico with my
Chapter 3: The Allure of Praise
friends and they take me into the club and they bring me into a line where there's other women and they're lined up the stairs waiting to get on a stage and it was a strip club that night I had a broken heart because I'd been cheated on by the guy that I lost my virginity to in high school and I also had liquid courage and so that night I took my top off and that night I got affirmed you're beautiful we love you and those were things that I wanted to hear from home so I started working at a strip club while going to college and one night a couple producers came in and they said you know again they're affirming me they're feeding my ear which is exactly what I wanted at that time in my life and just telling me you're beautiful you are going to be a star we make romance movies if you're ever interested give us a call I thought wow if I could be famous like they're promising me then you know people will notice me then people will love me and so they lived in Los Angeles and I happened to have an appointment in Los Angeles that next day and so I gave them a call and I went to the pornography set they put me in hair and makeup and took my photos and sent me over with an agent and I met with an agent that day and they accepted me and I was there for a total of seven years the fame was definitely a big draw for me but there was never a moment where I felt like had arrived I think that the LIE of Fame is that if you have a certain amount of people who know your name that it's going to fill the void that's in your heart but it couldn't be further from the
Chapter 4: The Mess
truth when I got into the adult industry I was already such a broken person but the industry just Amplified that I started battling heavy depression anxiety bipolar these are all the things that you know psychologists diagnos me with that one point I was hearing voices they diagnosed me with schizophrenia my mental health was just horrendous almost every single day contemplated ending my life in the moment of swallowing too many pills would just get so scared and call you know 911 to come rescue me and I'd have to drink charcoal and yeah my my life was honestly a mess and my mental health was was
Chapter 5: Nothing To Lose
[Music] terrible I've had a lot of people that I knew and loved that have lost their life over the years that were in adult entertainment a couple handfuls of friends some in recent years that really hit home like this year in a matter of a month there were three women that lost their life to overdose or taking their own life and one ended up in a coma the first time that I felt like I had hit rock bottom I was using heroin and I was withdrawing and could not get a hold of anymore and I just thought this is brutal when you are withdrawing from heroin you feel like you are dying your entire body hurts and I thought if I don't get help I'm going to take my
Chapter 6: A Helping Hand
life and so I called my grandmother and she drove up to Los Angeles she picked me up I got some medication to help with the withdrawals and I stayed with her and at that point I was introduced to Jesus started going to church I went to church one time with my grandpa and we're sitting in service and I don't remember all the message but I'm just like crying and the pastor says if this message has spoke to you and you want to meet Jesus and you know you want him to transform your life come on down to the altar I want to pray for you and I want to pray with you and so I went down to the Altar and I received Jesus as my Lord and Savior that day and after service they had us meet in the back room and they gave me a Bible I just started reading that Bible I just started to devour it like I was reading it every day and then I ended up because men were my weakness getting involved into a relationship with a pimp and then he ended up getting me back into the industry for another several years and again I just started to develop a lot just my self-hatred furthered and we got in a fight the pimp and I and at that point I did have I was developing a relationship ship with God and I could I started hearing the voice of God and I felt God telling me to leave him and I just thought I mean I don't have anybody that I could call you know and the Holy Spirit said Britney you need to call your mom and at that point we did not have a good relationship and I just said I'm not going to call her and the Holy Spirit said Britney humble yourself and call your mom and so I did and she showed up to pick me up within like 20 minutes and I just kept like reading my Bible and I'd say prayers and you know when I'd see when I'd say a prayer I'd see some like kind of a miracle happen you know and it was like oh like I just prayed for that and now that's happening and the Lord was teaching me in those moments that when you pray I hear you and you can trust me so that when that big moment came when there when I got in a fight with the pimp it was like okay when I tell you to leave you're going to trust me because over these past several years when you would say a little prayer here and there I'd come through and so yeah when when Jesus told me to leave the pimp I I you know I trusted him and I got baptized and just continued developing my relationship with the Lord even though I was living in sin and I was in the porn industry and I was escorting and doing all the things the only thing I knew was the adult industry and I had no money because i' been
Chapter 7: Conviction
giving it all to a pimp and so I had to go make money and I arranged to do a scene in Las Vegas and before I I went to the airport I felt the voice of God telling me to bring my Bible and so here I am on the airplane reading Revelation 2: 20-23 and what I got out of it changed my life so it says that I I have this thing against you you tolerate that woman named Jezebel I've given her time to repent if she doesn't repent I'll cast her and all who commit immorality into a sick vedal with her and I started crying because I just felt like wow God you have given me time to repent it was like finally the lights had turned on you know like the lights turned on like you will know the truth and the truth will set you free and in that moment the lights turned on where I realized I'm sinning I'm a sinner and I'm leading people into sin by filming porn and in the process I'm also breaking God's heart and so it was all this inner dialect going on in me like all these thoughts of all of that like God I'm sorry that I've been leading people into say God I'm sorry that I'm breaking her heart god I didn't even know that what I was doing was wrong please forgive me I'm so sorry and I was like panicking and crying internally and I just felt the presence of God just fall on me and I felt the Holy Spirit say Britney I love you so much and this is not the life that I have for you the life that I have for you will overflow with so much love and peace and joy and if you would just quit this industry today I would bless your life like no man ever could and in that moment on the airplane God gave me hope and I thought you know what God I'm going to do it I'm going to take a bold step of faith today I'm going to quit the business I'm going to quit porn I'm going to leave everything that I knew behind and I'm going to follow you I just knew that day that I've got nothing to lose and if I follow Jesus I have everything to gain and I believed [Music]
Chapter 8: Everything To Gain
him so I was like okay God I quit now what and then it was like okay you know now you need to look for a job and I went and found a job where I was making $11.25 an hour but I was very proud of that because it felt like I was working hard for money I was doing something that I could be proud of you know I was growing in my skills as a a sales rep as a receptionist and I was learning and I was growing and it was something I could be proud of I was overflowing with so much love peace and joy just like God promised me on the air playing that day and I'm like I don't care that I can barely pay my rent and that I cannot go clothing shopping I cannot buy that shirt that I want I can't buy those P I can't afford it but you know what I don't care because I am so happy because God has transformed my life and he's healed my heart and he healed all of my mental illness I've been medication free for 12 years he's a miraculous
Chapter 9: Miraculous
God I just started telling everybody at church like a couple days later while I was there I used to be a porn star but Jesus Christ Set Me Free God is so good I used to be a drug addict but God Set Me Free and I just started telling anybody who would listen my story and I had no shame no cares because that weight of shame that was holding me back had been lifted off of me like it is truly a burden to live in shame because when you live in shame then you have to live in lies and it was just this beautiful healing process that he took me through if you are watching this today and you know maybe you've been dealt a hard life maybe you grew up like I did and you grew up in an abusive household I want you to know that you are so loved even when you don't feel like it you were created by God for God your life has purpose you're not here by accident the Bible teaches that we are all born into sin you are living a life that Jesus wants to free you from you know sin it separates us it it separates us from the presence of God the wages of sin is death that kills the condition of your soul until you're so depleted that you have no hope in life but the beautiful thing is that Jesus Christ died and he died to take away the penalty of our sins and that when we call upon his name that we can be saved from those sins your heart literally begins to change as you walk in a relationship with Jesus
Chapter 10: Set Free
and so if you just ask Jesus right here right now if you say Jesus I Repent of my sins Jesus I want you to be my lord and savior he will come inside your heart make his home in you and he will begin to transform your life just as he did mine life outside of him your soul gets depleted but a relationship with Jesus Is Life Giving it's like a fountain of life that just flows through you God promised me on an airplane that he was is going to give me a life that would overflow with love and peace and joy and that promise is not just for me that promise is for you too
